My posts have lately been centered around a more self-help perspective than the usual writer-talking-about-writing-stuff. By "Self-Help" I hope you all understand the posts are from my perspective and aren't intended to fit the world. Just as an author writes in the genre they are good at, a person lives the life they're good at. Well I suppose you could write in any genre regardless of how much you enjoy it, but I prefer to stick to what I like!
Meryl's been getting WEIRDER AND WEIRDER. The book, not the character. The character is definitely turning into a strange person as well, but things keep happening that I just hadn't planned for! I've read several different "writing process" type suggestions that range from "get the outline" to "write on the fly." It's the same with drawing or art of any sort. Some people work very well within a structure, and some give up on their structured pieces if they try.
I've got PLANS to do the nanowrimo this year (I will do it I swear!!! I will!) and have been struggling with what to write. It has to be something you start fresh, and you have all of November to write 50,000 words. You can't start it in October and finish in November. For me, if I don't finish Meryl by then (and I'm 1/3 of the way through my new goal), it WILL be the first novel I finish. I've finally settled on a sort-of strange idea for a book that's based on a recurring dream of mine. Generally with my recurring dreams, I feel they're some sort of flashback to a previous life. While in some circles it could be considered "Non Fiction" to write about a previous life, I'm pretty sure that'd be stretching it a bit for most of the world. Since I intend on taking some poetic license with the story anyway, I've already started preparing it mentally as a more fiction-type story. Reading about a previous life could get really boring if it's presented like an auto-biography. What would a previous life book be called anyway? Pre-biography?
The story is actually really really depressing and sad and has no true happy ending. The optimist in me is sorting out the ending to figure out how to make it happier, or at least have some take-away from all the sadness. In the dream version there are a few things that are different, but ultimately the gist of the story will be relayed. I hope it helps people in similar situations understand people like the characters in the book. Other than that, it's really not going to be one of those OMG YAY yippy skippy things. It wouldn't be classified as Romance or Mystery or Sci-Fi. What genre is Sad Lit anyway?
On a rather unrelated note, I've switched back to using Disqus instead of the Jetpack comment system. Apparently I'd need to completely reinstall Wordpress on my domain to get it working again, possibly maybe, so I opted to just go back to what I know works.
My Brother-In-Law's new book, Dissolution of Peace, will be out on October 16th 2012. I've had a chance to read the book (before it was done being edited) and can say with confidence the story is really awesome! It's available on Kindle and Paperback through Amazon so be sure to pick up a copy. He's put a lot of work into making a truly great book. You can pre-order your copy now by clicking the link up there. The link also has a pretty snazzy video for the book. My daughter loves dancing to the music :D
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Ps and Qs + Work Appreciation
I've been working with the same company for over four years now and was recently reminded of how I'd gotten started here to begin with. When I first was hired, within the month my boss had to take a two-month leave of absence (he broke his foot really badly). Instead of freaking out that I was all alone and new and all of that, which it didn't even occur to me to do, I kept plodding along doing my job. Where I was able to I would help with my boss's job as well. I remember at one point helping him load cat litter into his car and being happy to help.
Well, my boss took off on a (MUCH DESERVED, the man rarely leaves the office) vacation and will be gone for a few weeks. I've been so concerned over how I'll ever manage without him that I wasn't doing everything I could. Letting fear block you doesn't accomplish much more than the bare necessities! You're lucky if it does, too! Thanks to great friends and remembering how easy it was for me when I first started here I realized it's not a big deal. I've been able to accomplish so much more as a result. Don't get me wrong, it'll be a huge relief when my boss comes back, but I will survive and excel even if he isn't here!
So in bringing up the memories from four years ago I realized something ELSE. I used to E-Mail my boss every time a customer sent a thank-you or "OMG she's awesome!" to me. He'd be happy that the customer was happy and that I wasn't an evil villain (I'm only an evil villain on Tuesdays, and Wednesday is bedtime) or whatever it is overlords feel when they see their minions properly appreciated. I got an E-Mail today from a user who was absolutely happy with the support we provided and made sure we knew. I skimmed over it and moved to check my next E-Mail item when I stopped myself. How many times have I commented or wailed over the stuff customers do that bug me? It's not something I've done my entire employment. "I wasn't always this way," that excuse people throw out to the world, ran through my mind. Well who cares if I was not always this way? The past is the PAST! Who you are NOW is who counts. If I want to be that person again I can start by appreciating people who are thankful for what I do. I can stop lambasting and back-stabbing good-intentioned people who maybe don't know exactly how to say something. If everyone knew how to find their DNS or setup a router as a dummy switch, I wouldn't have a job! Being the person you can look to for the answers is a privilege, an honor, and something jaded people cannot appreciate. So I've scrubbed off my corrosion and am looking toward the future more positively. There are many things I can do and even more that I cannot. I will do what I can and learn what I can so that I will be of more use to those who need it.
My reasons for being in a customer-facing support position are many and varied. There's a personal satisfaction from being of use. There's the exhilaration of following the threads of a puzzle while untangling the knots you encounter. Most importantly though, helping someone because you have the capability makes everyone feel good. The past year I've let myself forget that. It's turned into what I want and what I need and how my job isn't good enough for me. When asking myself the question "well what job would be then?" the answer always made my stomach hurt and I'd avoid it. Usually thinking something like "NOTHING! NOTHING WOULD!" made it hurt worse. If I'd listened to those physical signs I might have seen what I knew all along: this job is perfect for me, and I just forgot. Yes, I do write and draw. Those are my hobbies though, my personal creative outlets. They're how I keep my Personal Deity from frowning at me because I explode over things that don't matter, or explode at all. My Personal Deity isn't too fond of my outbursts of anger and she cringes in horror at the same outbursts in other people. Letting it all out CREATIVELY keeps us both happy with each other. The next time you find yourself in the middle of an argument that you don't really care about but are arguing because you have to be right (which is my biggest flaw, I can't be wrong. Stubborn as a mule here.), instead of responding to the well of rage you feel, try grabbing a pencil and stabbing at paper with it while attempting to doodle. Eventually you'll stop ripping the paper to shreds and something beautiful will emerge. You can stop doodling once you find the beauty in what you've created; until then, munch on popcorn or something.
Ps and Qs are something of a "lost art" in a lot of those from my generation. The children of my gen are very rarely thankful for anything and can't understand why you would say please. From a very young age my son was taught to say please, thank you, and you're welcome. Unfortunately some of the people in his life will do what he asks regardless of his thankfulness, so they wind up getting treated fairly badly by him. He's a very sweet kid but he's still learning how to navigate this world and doesn't yet understand that you don't have to walk on every doormat you see. My own grandparents were never ones to allow me to get away without saying please or thank you. Consequently, I didn't grow up believing they were my minions. Even if you find someone younger absolutely adorable and can't resist giving them everything they want, just remember, you're setting them up to be jerks when they grow up. I'm not trying to give parental advice here. Parents will teach their kids whatever they want. Some parents care about how their children will maneuver through the world as adults, and some don't. Children are growing and learning and should have as much fun as they can. Fun does not preclude etiquette. I don't mean the pinky-in-the-air type, but the basic fundamental words we use between friends and strangers that shows we are civilized people. If it doesn't start with the parents, that doesn't mean you have to be their kids' slave. You yourself can demand the proper words and refuse to provide their request until they have. If the parents get mad at you for it, it's really not your problem. Obviously whoever raised their parents was equally jerk-y.
My point in the Ps and Qs is that who we present ourselves as to other people will affect their responses to us. If we are polite and friendly, it opens the door to reciprocation. Some people might run away because they think you're nuts though. Don't let that get you down! Even if they run away, it changes their view of the world just a bit, and they might not react that way to the next person who does the same. Little by little we can make the circle of people we exist within happier and happier by simply saying "Thank You" when they've done something to help you. We can say "Please" instead of making demands, no matter how innocuous. We can say "You're Welcome" when someone politely says "Thank You" so that they know you've heard them, acknowledged them, and appreciate their thanks. That same holds true for compliments, by the way! I've long responded with uncomfortable body language to people who have complimented me. Shrugging, looking away, talking about something else. A few of my friends will DEMAND that I say "Thank You" and will glare at me until I do. Someday I'll do it without the shrugging and glaring!
So to wrap things up: if you're feeling dissatisfied with your life, take a look at the steps you took to get where you are. What were your reasons? If you feel the steps were out of your control, look back further until you can see where you last made a decision based on your own happiness that started you on the road you're on. Use that as your new starting point and try a different path this time. If you discover you're actually happy with where you are now and only feel periphery things should change, by all means, continue as you are. I've re-learned to find pleasure in the simple things on my path that I've taken for granted for years now. When a simple thank you from someone you've held the door for lights you up inside, you know you're on the right path. Don't let yourself fill with anger if they don't even acknowledge you; just let them know they're welcome anyway (WITHOUT the use of sarcasm). They are most likely actually thankful, but don't know that there are words to express it.
Love your life, Live your life! Mmmm, chocolate!
Well, my boss took off on a (MUCH DESERVED, the man rarely leaves the office) vacation and will be gone for a few weeks. I've been so concerned over how I'll ever manage without him that I wasn't doing everything I could. Letting fear block you doesn't accomplish much more than the bare necessities! You're lucky if it does, too! Thanks to great friends and remembering how easy it was for me when I first started here I realized it's not a big deal. I've been able to accomplish so much more as a result. Don't get me wrong, it'll be a huge relief when my boss comes back, but I will survive and excel even if he isn't here!
So in bringing up the memories from four years ago I realized something ELSE. I used to E-Mail my boss every time a customer sent a thank-you or "OMG she's awesome!" to me. He'd be happy that the customer was happy and that I wasn't an evil villain (I'm only an evil villain on Tuesdays, and Wednesday is bedtime) or whatever it is overlords feel when they see their minions properly appreciated. I got an E-Mail today from a user who was absolutely happy with the support we provided and made sure we knew. I skimmed over it and moved to check my next E-Mail item when I stopped myself. How many times have I commented or wailed over the stuff customers do that bug me? It's not something I've done my entire employment. "I wasn't always this way," that excuse people throw out to the world, ran through my mind. Well who cares if I was not always this way? The past is the PAST! Who you are NOW is who counts. If I want to be that person again I can start by appreciating people who are thankful for what I do. I can stop lambasting and back-stabbing good-intentioned people who maybe don't know exactly how to say something. If everyone knew how to find their DNS or setup a router as a dummy switch, I wouldn't have a job! Being the person you can look to for the answers is a privilege, an honor, and something jaded people cannot appreciate. So I've scrubbed off my corrosion and am looking toward the future more positively. There are many things I can do and even more that I cannot. I will do what I can and learn what I can so that I will be of more use to those who need it.
My reasons for being in a customer-facing support position are many and varied. There's a personal satisfaction from being of use. There's the exhilaration of following the threads of a puzzle while untangling the knots you encounter. Most importantly though, helping someone because you have the capability makes everyone feel good. The past year I've let myself forget that. It's turned into what I want and what I need and how my job isn't good enough for me. When asking myself the question "well what job would be then?" the answer always made my stomach hurt and I'd avoid it. Usually thinking something like "NOTHING! NOTHING WOULD!" made it hurt worse. If I'd listened to those physical signs I might have seen what I knew all along: this job is perfect for me, and I just forgot. Yes, I do write and draw. Those are my hobbies though, my personal creative outlets. They're how I keep my Personal Deity from frowning at me because I explode over things that don't matter, or explode at all. My Personal Deity isn't too fond of my outbursts of anger and she cringes in horror at the same outbursts in other people. Letting it all out CREATIVELY keeps us both happy with each other. The next time you find yourself in the middle of an argument that you don't really care about but are arguing because you have to be right (which is my biggest flaw, I can't be wrong. Stubborn as a mule here.), instead of responding to the well of rage you feel, try grabbing a pencil and stabbing at paper with it while attempting to doodle. Eventually you'll stop ripping the paper to shreds and something beautiful will emerge. You can stop doodling once you find the beauty in what you've created; until then, munch on popcorn or something.
Ps and Qs are something of a "lost art" in a lot of those from my generation. The children of my gen are very rarely thankful for anything and can't understand why you would say please. From a very young age my son was taught to say please, thank you, and you're welcome. Unfortunately some of the people in his life will do what he asks regardless of his thankfulness, so they wind up getting treated fairly badly by him. He's a very sweet kid but he's still learning how to navigate this world and doesn't yet understand that you don't have to walk on every doormat you see. My own grandparents were never ones to allow me to get away without saying please or thank you. Consequently, I didn't grow up believing they were my minions. Even if you find someone younger absolutely adorable and can't resist giving them everything they want, just remember, you're setting them up to be jerks when they grow up. I'm not trying to give parental advice here. Parents will teach their kids whatever they want. Some parents care about how their children will maneuver through the world as adults, and some don't. Children are growing and learning and should have as much fun as they can. Fun does not preclude etiquette. I don't mean the pinky-in-the-air type, but the basic fundamental words we use between friends and strangers that shows we are civilized people. If it doesn't start with the parents, that doesn't mean you have to be their kids' slave. You yourself can demand the proper words and refuse to provide their request until they have. If the parents get mad at you for it, it's really not your problem. Obviously whoever raised their parents was equally jerk-y.
My point in the Ps and Qs is that who we present ourselves as to other people will affect their responses to us. If we are polite and friendly, it opens the door to reciprocation. Some people might run away because they think you're nuts though. Don't let that get you down! Even if they run away, it changes their view of the world just a bit, and they might not react that way to the next person who does the same. Little by little we can make the circle of people we exist within happier and happier by simply saying "Thank You" when they've done something to help you. We can say "Please" instead of making demands, no matter how innocuous. We can say "You're Welcome" when someone politely says "Thank You" so that they know you've heard them, acknowledged them, and appreciate their thanks. That same holds true for compliments, by the way! I've long responded with uncomfortable body language to people who have complimented me. Shrugging, looking away, talking about something else. A few of my friends will DEMAND that I say "Thank You" and will glare at me until I do. Someday I'll do it without the shrugging and glaring!
So to wrap things up: if you're feeling dissatisfied with your life, take a look at the steps you took to get where you are. What were your reasons? If you feel the steps were out of your control, look back further until you can see where you last made a decision based on your own happiness that started you on the road you're on. Use that as your new starting point and try a different path this time. If you discover you're actually happy with where you are now and only feel periphery things should change, by all means, continue as you are. I've re-learned to find pleasure in the simple things on my path that I've taken for granted for years now. When a simple thank you from someone you've held the door for lights you up inside, you know you're on the right path. Don't let yourself fill with anger if they don't even acknowledge you; just let them know they're welcome anyway (WITHOUT the use of sarcasm). They are most likely actually thankful, but don't know that there are words to express it.
Love your life, Live your life! Mmmm, chocolate!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Motivation to Move!
My grandmother keeps a home in her mind that she fills with the beautiful things she finds in stores or catalogs. She has a real home filled with beautiful things already and decided to start building a less restricted one within herself. Over a decade ago she and my grandfather lost their retirement home to a fire that took out many homes in Uvas Canyon (Morgan Hill, CA) on the Croy Road stretch of land. In rebuilding her life, she took a lot of spiritual journeys and had to learn to let go of a lot. To have your most treasured items reduced to lumps of burnt metal and charred ash, and lose your home on top of that, it really takes a lot of self reflection to move forward. While losing your home isn't the same as losing a loved one, it still causes distress and anxiety. She first clung to her memories, living with the hope that it was all a dream. As someone who has also done similar things after losing a loved one, I don't find it hard at all to understand how she got to that point. She is lucky that she recognized her withdrawal and was able to pull herself from it. She has long released her emotions through poetry and prose. Her cathartic journey from victim to survivor was all logged in a book of poetry she wrote about rising from the ashes.
I've been writing a lot of blogs about spiritual-y stuff like introspection and Personal Deities. It really helps me sort my thoughts and "change" my personal .ini file so I can be who I want to be, not who I think life made me. I'm exactly who I made myself no matter what I've done or gone through. If I seem to be going in a cycle on something, it's probably because there's a lesson there I haven't gotten around to learning. It could be anything from learning to put my socks in the dirty laundry (so I don't keep running out of clean ones) to stopping myself from exploding over small things instead of finding a more cleansing and healing release. Screaming isn't exactly HEALING, mind you, but it helps get rid of the echoes in your mind that can cause untold self doubt. To use it metaphorically (please don't drink any), Bleach cleans while destroying. Some things need to be destroyed so that you can be clean. Sure, chopping up celery on that counter will just make it dirty again, but the alternative is to chop celery on a progressively dirtier counter. Nobody wants to eat dirty celery with peanut butter and raisins on top. No, they want to eat CLEAN celery with peanut butter and raisins on top! Just because you have to do some things endlessly doesn't mean they don't serve a purpose. Don't stop just because you are tired of THAT cycle. Healthy cycles have a purpose and cannot be ignored or you'll find yourself in the hospital with salmonella poisoning because you got tired of cleaning the counter.
I know some people who have to plan their day down to the minute or they, quite literally, cannot finish their day properly. If even a minute is unaccounted for they can spend the rest of that day or week or even month agonizing over that minute. It's not something we all experience to that degree, but you'll find some organization really helps you feel like you've accomplished something. It gets you started moving in the right direction so that you don't end up wasting a day laboring over what to do with your day. I've actually got my google calendar filled up with all sorts of suggestions for what I should be doing now (you don't even want to see what I think should happen on Saturday, especially if you're one of my children) and I've found I tend to sort-of ignore the ones I don't feel like doing. The best motivator I've found is to setup an alarm for events that I feel HAVE to happen (like taking meds at the exact same time every day, waking up, etc). If I want to add it to my DO IT DO IT DO IT! list, I make it an alarm that goes of every x days at x time for however long I want to deal with doing it. I haven't done it for blogging, but I did add a google calendar entry. I've now gotten to the point that every day I think about blogging around lunch-time (I have the calendar set for 1:30pm) and spend bits of time driving in the morning considering what to write in my blog.
Today's blog was inspired by a dream I had that was translated by a good friend of mine (that one I was so mean to a few blogs ago). She helped me see that the old house in my dream (scary creepy one I was scared to even look out the windows of) and the new house in my dream were reflections of the steps I'm trying to take in my life. She said she can really tell I'm succeeding because of my blogs, but I wasn't satisfied with that. If I were changing it would reflect in ME, not my blogs. To be honest though, even subtle changes can make huge differences. They aren't easy to see, so you can't always judge by any one day. That's why writing in a journal or verbalizing into a recorder can let you go back and reflect on who you were and who you are. It's not important, though. Who you were is in the past. Who you are is far more important. Seeing how far you've come can help give you a positive push and make you motivated to move (hah hah hah...see what I did there?) when you are feeling down-in-the-dumps and grumpy about how you aren't succeeding at all. Success can't be measured by individual situations, it must be measured as a whole with all aspects accounted for. There's no sense in using a scale to rate because each event will have its own personal heaviness or lightness. When it feels like life is weighing you down left and right, focus on the things that brought you up. Seeing your son's first steps, watching your daughter take her first bite of cheesecake, or taking a walk at lunch and enjoying the view. The light moments of the past can make the heavy moments of the now brighter and new again. My new house (in the dream) was nothing like the old one. Everything was shiny and new. There was one thing that was broken, but I knew how to fix it. I have no idea how I even managed to get a whole new house like that, or if it's even part of me yet, but knowing what is waiting and what I've been in is a huge motivator!
I've been writing a lot of blogs about spiritual-y stuff like introspection and Personal Deities. It really helps me sort my thoughts and "change" my personal .ini file so I can be who I want to be, not who I think life made me. I'm exactly who I made myself no matter what I've done or gone through. If I seem to be going in a cycle on something, it's probably because there's a lesson there I haven't gotten around to learning. It could be anything from learning to put my socks in the dirty laundry (so I don't keep running out of clean ones) to stopping myself from exploding over small things instead of finding a more cleansing and healing release. Screaming isn't exactly HEALING, mind you, but it helps get rid of the echoes in your mind that can cause untold self doubt. To use it metaphorically (please don't drink any), Bleach cleans while destroying. Some things need to be destroyed so that you can be clean. Sure, chopping up celery on that counter will just make it dirty again, but the alternative is to chop celery on a progressively dirtier counter. Nobody wants to eat dirty celery with peanut butter and raisins on top. No, they want to eat CLEAN celery with peanut butter and raisins on top! Just because you have to do some things endlessly doesn't mean they don't serve a purpose. Don't stop just because you are tired of THAT cycle. Healthy cycles have a purpose and cannot be ignored or you'll find yourself in the hospital with salmonella poisoning because you got tired of cleaning the counter.
I know some people who have to plan their day down to the minute or they, quite literally, cannot finish their day properly. If even a minute is unaccounted for they can spend the rest of that day or week or even month agonizing over that minute. It's not something we all experience to that degree, but you'll find some organization really helps you feel like you've accomplished something. It gets you started moving in the right direction so that you don't end up wasting a day laboring over what to do with your day. I've actually got my google calendar filled up with all sorts of suggestions for what I should be doing now (you don't even want to see what I think should happen on Saturday, especially if you're one of my children) and I've found I tend to sort-of ignore the ones I don't feel like doing. The best motivator I've found is to setup an alarm for events that I feel HAVE to happen (like taking meds at the exact same time every day, waking up, etc). If I want to add it to my DO IT DO IT DO IT! list, I make it an alarm that goes of every x days at x time for however long I want to deal with doing it. I haven't done it for blogging, but I did add a google calendar entry. I've now gotten to the point that every day I think about blogging around lunch-time (I have the calendar set for 1:30pm) and spend bits of time driving in the morning considering what to write in my blog.
Today's blog was inspired by a dream I had that was translated by a good friend of mine (that one I was so mean to a few blogs ago). She helped me see that the old house in my dream (scary creepy one I was scared to even look out the windows of) and the new house in my dream were reflections of the steps I'm trying to take in my life. She said she can really tell I'm succeeding because of my blogs, but I wasn't satisfied with that. If I were changing it would reflect in ME, not my blogs. To be honest though, even subtle changes can make huge differences. They aren't easy to see, so you can't always judge by any one day. That's why writing in a journal or verbalizing into a recorder can let you go back and reflect on who you were and who you are. It's not important, though. Who you were is in the past. Who you are is far more important. Seeing how far you've come can help give you a positive push and make you motivated to move (hah hah hah...see what I did there?) when you are feeling down-in-the-dumps and grumpy about how you aren't succeeding at all. Success can't be measured by individual situations, it must be measured as a whole with all aspects accounted for. There's no sense in using a scale to rate because each event will have its own personal heaviness or lightness. When it feels like life is weighing you down left and right, focus on the things that brought you up. Seeing your son's first steps, watching your daughter take her first bite of cheesecake, or taking a walk at lunch and enjoying the view. The light moments of the past can make the heavy moments of the now brighter and new again. My new house (in the dream) was nothing like the old one. Everything was shiny and new. There was one thing that was broken, but I knew how to fix it. I have no idea how I even managed to get a whole new house like that, or if it's even part of me yet, but knowing what is waiting and what I've been in is a huge motivator!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Positively Powered
On my way to work this morning (when most of my deep thinking takes place) I had a bunch of ideas on what to blog about today. One of the topics I was considering was based on the belief structure of most religions today. Except for a few cases, most religions have one God, and you worship that God exclusively. Worship is one thing I don't really want to go over anywhere, since it's extremely personal and even among religious people there are many who don't believe in it. I want to go on the record here with a simple statement: Your religion's God and your Personal Deity are not necessarily the same thing. Worshiping your Personal Deity is entirely up to you. If you feel you need to, by all means, that's your call. I myself consider my Personal Deity to be separate from God. I was raised in a Christian church (non-Catholic, or rather, Anti-Catholic) and have since determined I believe in the Goddess. Not because there couldn't possibly be a male who gave birth to the World, but because it was a very personal revelation that brought about a catharsis within my heart and mind. I'm of the opinion that there are actually more Gods and Goddesses in this world. Each belief we have manifests a spiritual guide that leads us on our journey. The internal Personal Deity we all have may link to the external one, or may be a miniature version of one.
All of these thoughts came about because of a bumper sticker on a car ahead of me on the freeway. It was one of the plastic upside-down Darwin ones, insinuating "Darwin is Dead (but Jesus isn't)," or whatever their insinuation was. It made me consider the very real possibility that Darwin was deitized by his followers. The very religious belief that if you believe in something you worship it has caused these folks to believe that because Darwin is dead, his scientific findings are unfounded. While the man who verbalized and gave it a name may be dead, the basic belief that we all evolve over time is definitely not dead. Instead of looking at it analytically, people have drawn their own conclusions over the messenger's death. In my childhood there was a very strong understanding that unless we learned and grew, we would never achieve anything we could. Along with trials and tribulations would come success and achievement. Without one we couldn't have the other. In its own way it is a form of evolution. Darwin's theories aside, without evolving into what we are now, we would still be backwards cavemen spearing animals for food and believing in finding our next meal instead of finding time to contemplate how we got there to begin with. In its own weird way, the Darwin Religion (since that's how some choose to view it) coincides with other religions. There are a lot of parallels in each religion that some choose to ignore because theirs is the best. An old High School friend once said his religion was (HisName)ism. It was an idea that really stuck with me. Your spiritual journey is exactly what you make it. If you follow someone else's journey, you're part of their religion.
Positiveness is a view of life that perceives the world around as though everything is basically good. Ambivalence is a take-things-as-they-are sort of perspective. Negativeness automatically assumes the worst of anything that happens. Of the three potential perspectives, positivity is the hardest to achieve. The jaded in life are normally ambivalent, though I've seen some who are negatively ambivalent. Most days I wind up with positive ambivalence. It really is a struggle to reach for the happy in a situation instead of dwelling on the sad, angry and mad. When your daughter has been whining off and on for the past 12 hours it's really hard to find the cute or sweet in it. I will learn to stop snapping and be more understanding. In time I will be more appreciative of these moments where I'm needed, because children turn into adults who can walk on their own two feet without parental guidance.
This past weekend my daughter started toddling around without pausing so often to grab a wall or couch. She went from room to room, smiling and cooing as she ate her pepperoni. It was so sweet and cute and something I really missed watching her older brother do. He's been running around so long now, I forgot his first attempts at walking. He would stomp firmly with each foot in front of the other, marching up and down the driveway at his grandparents' house. Deia does a sort of diaper waddle, all caution and bent knees. She's a lot more aware of the reactions of those around her and quite obviously loves the praise and smiles she gets. If there's ever a time when reaching for the positive becomes monumental, remembering the little moments and the big moments in life can be a life-line. We all have our struggles to overcome, a life to figure out, and happiness to find where we can. If memories are what hold us together and allow us to move forward, there's nothing wrong with sneaking a bit of our history into our present so we can take the next step. Just remember: it's not happening now, so don't build your life on it.
All of these thoughts came about because of a bumper sticker on a car ahead of me on the freeway. It was one of the plastic upside-down Darwin ones, insinuating "Darwin is Dead (but Jesus isn't)," or whatever their insinuation was. It made me consider the very real possibility that Darwin was deitized by his followers. The very religious belief that if you believe in something you worship it has caused these folks to believe that because Darwin is dead, his scientific findings are unfounded. While the man who verbalized and gave it a name may be dead, the basic belief that we all evolve over time is definitely not dead. Instead of looking at it analytically, people have drawn their own conclusions over the messenger's death. In my childhood there was a very strong understanding that unless we learned and grew, we would never achieve anything we could. Along with trials and tribulations would come success and achievement. Without one we couldn't have the other. In its own way it is a form of evolution. Darwin's theories aside, without evolving into what we are now, we would still be backwards cavemen spearing animals for food and believing in finding our next meal instead of finding time to contemplate how we got there to begin with. In its own weird way, the Darwin Religion (since that's how some choose to view it) coincides with other religions. There are a lot of parallels in each religion that some choose to ignore because theirs is the best. An old High School friend once said his religion was (HisName)ism. It was an idea that really stuck with me. Your spiritual journey is exactly what you make it. If you follow someone else's journey, you're part of their religion.
Positiveness is a view of life that perceives the world around as though everything is basically good. Ambivalence is a take-things-as-they-are sort of perspective. Negativeness automatically assumes the worst of anything that happens. Of the three potential perspectives, positivity is the hardest to achieve. The jaded in life are normally ambivalent, though I've seen some who are negatively ambivalent. Most days I wind up with positive ambivalence. It really is a struggle to reach for the happy in a situation instead of dwelling on the sad, angry and mad. When your daughter has been whining off and on for the past 12 hours it's really hard to find the cute or sweet in it. I will learn to stop snapping and be more understanding. In time I will be more appreciative of these moments where I'm needed, because children turn into adults who can walk on their own two feet without parental guidance.
This past weekend my daughter started toddling around without pausing so often to grab a wall or couch. She went from room to room, smiling and cooing as she ate her pepperoni. It was so sweet and cute and something I really missed watching her older brother do. He's been running around so long now, I forgot his first attempts at walking. He would stomp firmly with each foot in front of the other, marching up and down the driveway at his grandparents' house. Deia does a sort of diaper waddle, all caution and bent knees. She's a lot more aware of the reactions of those around her and quite obviously loves the praise and smiles she gets. If there's ever a time when reaching for the positive becomes monumental, remembering the little moments and the big moments in life can be a life-line. We all have our struggles to overcome, a life to figure out, and happiness to find where we can. If memories are what hold us together and allow us to move forward, there's nothing wrong with sneaking a bit of our history into our present so we can take the next step. Just remember: it's not happening now, so don't build your life on it.
Friday, September 7, 2012
A Rocky Start With Unexpected Surprises
Naturally the very first thing I did after yesterday's blog was practice grimacing in the mirror. Before heading back to work from lunch, though, I managed to talk my way into an argument with my best friend/sis. Instead of backing down when I found myself digging the hole deeper, I dug it even further! She's very justifiably upset and I completely failed my first day of being kind to others. Being kind to others doesn't mean you can use your close friends, best friends or family as punching bags. Positive outlets for any feelings you might suppress include any creative outlet, sports of some sort (preferably where you don't shoot anything alive with anything deadly), or good old-fashioned drive-to-the-middle-of-nowhere-and-scream. The latter is one I've never managed to complete! I tend to let out a squeak, get embarrassed, and go home. Driving itself is one of my favorite activities for letting out steam. With gas prices being what they are, the alternative is taking a walk or biking. Yesterday, after completely wounding someone I never wanted to hurt, I took a walk with a co-worker. Sometime during the walk I found myself feeling cleaner and thinking clearly. It was cathartic and healthy. The sun was perfect, we sweated a bit, and we even found a dollar on the ground when we went the circuitous route instead of heading right back to work. These all seemed like positive signs that I was finding a better way to handle stress. The next time I find myself being that annoying obstinate mule that can't be wrong, I'm going to take a walk. It helps my husband cool off, it helps me let off some steam, and it has the added benefit of being a very healthy exercise that doesn't put too much pressure on joints.
I've taken walks on days my co-workers were busy or out of the office. While not as friendly, it's got its own peace to it, particularly since you can blast Maroon 5 through your earbuds and nobody's the wiser.
While yesterday was a complete wash in the Kindness department, I did learn many valuable lessons and will hold on to them. Keeping what you've learned can be as important as finding your inner nice-person and making peace with your Personal Deity. If I hadn't learned the lesson this time, I'd be doomed to repeat it, with even more dire results. I learned how important it is to recognize your personal limits. Pushing yourself beyond what you can handle gives no-one anything good in you and threatens the relationships of the people you care most about. Even small things, like washing your hands for a few extra minutes, can help bring you back down to a level where you can control yourself. Once you're stable and can finish whatever projects you were doing, get yourself out of there and find your release in something positive. I myself consider video games to be a favorite outlet. Knowing I can put what I've experienced into words and post them for my future self to look at also helps make a huge difference. Creative outlets run the gamut from writing to cooking. Creation has its own positive energies that soak up everything you're feeling or repressing and turn them into delicious soups or gorgeous statues. The process gives you purpose and meaning beyond your 9-to-5 job. It lets you carve out a more unique box for yourself that nobody else can fit in.
Today I've so far practiced laughter and smiling. Thankfully they've all just sort of bubbled up from within. Being in the "be nice" frame of mind seems to bring out all those inner pockets of happiness and make the people around feel the same. In fact, while I don't necessarily "blame" it on my attempts at bettering, last night the hubby had a VERY interesting reaction to my usual inanities. Instead of his invisible eye-roll, he GIGGLED. My husband is not known for his great bouts of laughter, but the man could not stop laughing last night! It could have been punchiness, but I prefer to think it was residual effects of the freedom felt in letting the past go and holding on to the here and now. The future is important too, but it can change before you even get there, so concentrating on where you are is far more important than where you'll be. I felt horrible that I'd let a friend down so personally yesterday, but I couldn't do anything except apologize and learn from it. It's something I MIGHT repeat, but I don't WANT to, and I'll make sure I know where I'm headed before letting myself tirade like that again. It is much harder for her to let it go when someone basically says she's something she isn't. Compounded by my inability to remember what I've just said let alone something that happened earlier this year, I was on a road hell-bent for destruction. She's a beautiful person and nothing I said was true. For whatever reason I thought pounding ideals into her through the use of metaphor would have a positive effect. Turned out she already felt the same way, but I didn't recognize that until it was too late to just apologize. In the mean time, I thought I'd share with my readers so they could try to head off their own high-speed collisions through some positive outlets. Consider this an act of kindness, and I hope it helps someone down the line like it would've helped me yesterday.
We took a co-worker to a good-bye lunch today at a delicious-smelling Italian restaurant near work. The instant I walked in the scent of garlic, butter and fresh-baked bread hit my nose. As I mentioned a few blogs ago, I'm one of those evil LCers, so bread is one of the no-nos in my diet. With a nephew's birthday party coming up soon along with the weekend, my mind naturally switched to "bah, who needs a diet" mode. As I sat down, a co-worker moved toward his chair and commented, "Have you lost weight?" My quick denial (a pound isn't much) prompted his continued confirmation of the weight loss. Because of that man, my menu selection reverted back to the salad I'd decided on before even getting to the restaurant. As it turned out, two other co-workers were also doing LC and we all discussed our favorite foods (while munching lettuce like rabbits). Apparently even without conscious effort, being in "kindness mode" makes everything brighter and unites people who otherwise wouldn't even know they were on the same page.
I've taken walks on days my co-workers were busy or out of the office. While not as friendly, it's got its own peace to it, particularly since you can blast Maroon 5 through your earbuds and nobody's the wiser.
While yesterday was a complete wash in the Kindness department, I did learn many valuable lessons and will hold on to them. Keeping what you've learned can be as important as finding your inner nice-person and making peace with your Personal Deity. If I hadn't learned the lesson this time, I'd be doomed to repeat it, with even more dire results. I learned how important it is to recognize your personal limits. Pushing yourself beyond what you can handle gives no-one anything good in you and threatens the relationships of the people you care most about. Even small things, like washing your hands for a few extra minutes, can help bring you back down to a level where you can control yourself. Once you're stable and can finish whatever projects you were doing, get yourself out of there and find your release in something positive. I myself consider video games to be a favorite outlet. Knowing I can put what I've experienced into words and post them for my future self to look at also helps make a huge difference. Creative outlets run the gamut from writing to cooking. Creation has its own positive energies that soak up everything you're feeling or repressing and turn them into delicious soups or gorgeous statues. The process gives you purpose and meaning beyond your 9-to-5 job. It lets you carve out a more unique box for yourself that nobody else can fit in.
Today I've so far practiced laughter and smiling. Thankfully they've all just sort of bubbled up from within. Being in the "be nice" frame of mind seems to bring out all those inner pockets of happiness and make the people around feel the same. In fact, while I don't necessarily "blame" it on my attempts at bettering, last night the hubby had a VERY interesting reaction to my usual inanities. Instead of his invisible eye-roll, he GIGGLED. My husband is not known for his great bouts of laughter, but the man could not stop laughing last night! It could have been punchiness, but I prefer to think it was residual effects of the freedom felt in letting the past go and holding on to the here and now. The future is important too, but it can change before you even get there, so concentrating on where you are is far more important than where you'll be. I felt horrible that I'd let a friend down so personally yesterday, but I couldn't do anything except apologize and learn from it. It's something I MIGHT repeat, but I don't WANT to, and I'll make sure I know where I'm headed before letting myself tirade like that again. It is much harder for her to let it go when someone basically says she's something she isn't. Compounded by my inability to remember what I've just said let alone something that happened earlier this year, I was on a road hell-bent for destruction. She's a beautiful person and nothing I said was true. For whatever reason I thought pounding ideals into her through the use of metaphor would have a positive effect. Turned out she already felt the same way, but I didn't recognize that until it was too late to just apologize. In the mean time, I thought I'd share with my readers so they could try to head off their own high-speed collisions through some positive outlets. Consider this an act of kindness, and I hope it helps someone down the line like it would've helped me yesterday.
We took a co-worker to a good-bye lunch today at a delicious-smelling Italian restaurant near work. The instant I walked in the scent of garlic, butter and fresh-baked bread hit my nose. As I mentioned a few blogs ago, I'm one of those evil LCers, so bread is one of the no-nos in my diet. With a nephew's birthday party coming up soon along with the weekend, my mind naturally switched to "bah, who needs a diet" mode. As I sat down, a co-worker moved toward his chair and commented, "Have you lost weight?" My quick denial (a pound isn't much) prompted his continued confirmation of the weight loss. Because of that man, my menu selection reverted back to the salad I'd decided on before even getting to the restaurant. As it turned out, two other co-workers were also doing LC and we all discussed our favorite foods (while munching lettuce like rabbits). Apparently even without conscious effort, being in "kindness mode" makes everything brighter and unites people who otherwise wouldn't even know they were on the same page.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
The Ideas Behind Selfless Acts of Kindness
The term "Selfless Acts of Kindness" always left me with a sour taste in my mouth. Forcing yourself to be selfless, to me, always negated the selfless part. The implication is that you're just a nice person, so doing nice things is just who you are.
While I still believe that to some extent, it's not always easy to do. Similar to my 26-days-of-blogging mental-training, the "Selfless Acts of Kindness" is a way to re-program or re-learn who you used to be when you were a naive kid. Perhaps without the naivete, since you're wiser and know better now. The reasons for being nice should still be there regardless of your age. My good friend Sara has a blog of her own Selfless Acts of Kindness. It's a great thing to throw on your New Years Resolutions. Keep in mind, however, you can "Re-Program" yourself anytime regardless of the time of year.
If you were to be completely honest with yourself (which is very hard to do unless you're masochistic, and even then you are doing it because you like it), you would find you aren't as nice as you used to be. Maybe you were never nice. The mean bully in Kindergarten who forced play-dough and elmer's glue down the kid-with-the-glasses throat. Maybe in High School you picked on that weird Witchy chick who always stared at you like she was cursing you. Maybe you are that witchy chick! Whoever you were, you probably had moments where you weren't someone you'd want to be friends with.
Instead of assuming you could never be friends with yourself, you can change very easily. Perhaps with the 26-day personal retraining program, or however you normally change your habits or turn good things into habits. For me, I had to stop thinking of myself in terms of "ugh" and start thinking "I'm not so bad!" It was really hard not looking down on myself. Even now, I tend toward self deprecation. Even so, I actually like myself most days. Shrieking harpy days, not so much, but you can make up for it other days. Although the idea of "making it up" isn't necessarily a good get-out-of-jail-free card, and certainly not one you should use constantly, it's great to use as a one-off self forgiveness tool. Remember: don't use it every day! Set it as a once-a-month or bi-monthly ticket, then forget about it. FORGET ABOUT THE TICKET. You don't want to start relying on it instead of letting your emotions out through healthier outlets.
Perhaps as a side-line of my 26-days-of-blogging I'll work on the other aspects of myself that I'm not as fond of. Selfless acts of kindness are tough for two reasons. The first reason is convincing yourself what you're doing is kind. The second reason is actually doing the acts instead of rationalizing your way out of them.
Since this is a learning experience for me as much for anyone else, the steps I'll outline are rudimentary at best. Please feel free to follow me on the journey! Self betterment and re-programming should never be done alone. Even if no-one around you is encouraging or doing it with you, you can still tell yourself (and your Personal Deity) how you're doing, and enjoy the responses from those outside your circle as they realize there are still people in the world interested in something other than themselves.
To start with, there is one thing you have to do. It's not something I've ever convinced anyone to do successfully. It's monumental, private, scary and impossible. It's that skeleton in your closet mocking you every time you think you're succeeding. You have to do it anyway, and mean it. However you have to work your brain around it, figure it out and DO IT.
Step One:
Look at yourself in the mirror. This should be your morning ritual, so make sure you do this every morning until it's a habit. Mark your calendar for 26 days if you have to. Look at yourself in the mirror, smile, and say "You're Awesome!"
Step Two:
Every person you meet, look them in the eyes and smile. Don't offer anything suggestive, don't come off as seductive or interested. This might be more difficult for men since it's assumed they always have an ulterior motive. If you have to, practice your smile in the mirror so it doesn't look leering. While you're practicing, throw in a few "Sweet," "Sexy," or "Awesome!"s so you remember that you are great.
Step Three:
Even if you don't work there or aren't part of the team or whatever it is wherever you are, if someone looks lost or like they need help, ask them if you can help them. They may assume you're an employee (or whatever), but that doesn't matter. If you know where the Macadamias are, you can help them. If you don't know, you can be the more pro-active person and get an employee's attention to ask them. Some people are extremely shy and don't know how to ask for help. They aren't idiots, and even if they are, they deserve help too.
If you happen to be an employee, you should be doing all of this anyway. If you aren't, you DEFINITELY need to follow this five-step re-program.
Step Four:
Stop what you're doing periodically, whether it be as you're walking or driving or bicycling. Don't get in peoples' ways or cause accidents, mind you, but just pause your mindlessness for a moment and look around you. It's not always obvious (some people are shy or idiots, remember), but some people are trying to get over, get around you, or need help and are being ignored. It could be a car on the side of the road, or a woman who dropped her bag of groceries. It might be a chain that fell off a bike. Safely get over, allow people to get over, etc. Do what you have to do to help those people. Have you ever seen those sorts of things before? Did you even know some people don't yell and scream or throw fits if something happens? Did you realize that most people aren't going to ask for help? It's very very true, but when they are helped, they are the most grateful people you'll ever meet. Remember: Just because they can do things themselves, they'll feel better if someone helps them. It'll get done faster, too, which makes everyones' day just that much brighter. So what if you don't like packing popcorn? Who does? Even helping capture one piece of that nefarious foam can add five minutes to someone's day.
Step Five:
Write about your day, every day. Every little detail you've noticed, from the way you've helped people to the way people have reacted to your actions. Even if you think you haven't done a thing, if you go back in your mind's eye and follow your day, you'll notice the woman behind the counter at your favorite coffee shop smiles when she sees you. She doesn't stare blankly at you anymore. What an improvement! It might be something even more subtle, like a discount you didn't notice getting at the grocery store or restaurant. Sure, you gave them a bigger tip, but they reciprocated with a discount.
Life is about give and take. When we give or take too much, it becomes unbalanced. While unbalance is a great way to learn and grow, living in it for any length of time causes stresses that shorten our time on Earth. Enjoying the gift of life you've been given is the best way to show your Personal Deity how much you treasure everything. Exuding love of life, kindness, happiness or even contentedness makes those around you experience some of what you are. Sharing like that brightens everybody's' day and makes it that much easier to carry the burdens we haven't figured out how to share.
Do it for yourself first. Be a little selfish. I don't mean be narcissistic; that's no way to live at all. By showing the people in your life how to be a good, kind person and love yourself, they'll find their own peace and share it with others. Through small acts on your part, as selfless or selfish as they start out, you can make your life and our world a better place. Just think of it as recycling cans or cardboard boxes.
While I still believe that to some extent, it's not always easy to do. Similar to my 26-days-of-blogging mental-training, the "Selfless Acts of Kindness" is a way to re-program or re-learn who you used to be when you were a naive kid. Perhaps without the naivete, since you're wiser and know better now. The reasons for being nice should still be there regardless of your age. My good friend Sara has a blog of her own Selfless Acts of Kindness. It's a great thing to throw on your New Years Resolutions. Keep in mind, however, you can "Re-Program" yourself anytime regardless of the time of year.
If you were to be completely honest with yourself (which is very hard to do unless you're masochistic, and even then you are doing it because you like it), you would find you aren't as nice as you used to be. Maybe you were never nice. The mean bully in Kindergarten who forced play-dough and elmer's glue down the kid-with-the-glasses throat. Maybe in High School you picked on that weird Witchy chick who always stared at you like she was cursing you. Maybe you are that witchy chick! Whoever you were, you probably had moments where you weren't someone you'd want to be friends with.
Instead of assuming you could never be friends with yourself, you can change very easily. Perhaps with the 26-day personal retraining program, or however you normally change your habits or turn good things into habits. For me, I had to stop thinking of myself in terms of "ugh" and start thinking "I'm not so bad!" It was really hard not looking down on myself. Even now, I tend toward self deprecation. Even so, I actually like myself most days. Shrieking harpy days, not so much, but you can make up for it other days. Although the idea of "making it up" isn't necessarily a good get-out-of-jail-free card, and certainly not one you should use constantly, it's great to use as a one-off self forgiveness tool. Remember: don't use it every day! Set it as a once-a-month or bi-monthly ticket, then forget about it. FORGET ABOUT THE TICKET. You don't want to start relying on it instead of letting your emotions out through healthier outlets.
Perhaps as a side-line of my 26-days-of-blogging I'll work on the other aspects of myself that I'm not as fond of. Selfless acts of kindness are tough for two reasons. The first reason is convincing yourself what you're doing is kind. The second reason is actually doing the acts instead of rationalizing your way out of them.
Since this is a learning experience for me as much for anyone else, the steps I'll outline are rudimentary at best. Please feel free to follow me on the journey! Self betterment and re-programming should never be done alone. Even if no-one around you is encouraging or doing it with you, you can still tell yourself (and your Personal Deity) how you're doing, and enjoy the responses from those outside your circle as they realize there are still people in the world interested in something other than themselves.
To start with, there is one thing you have to do. It's not something I've ever convinced anyone to do successfully. It's monumental, private, scary and impossible. It's that skeleton in your closet mocking you every time you think you're succeeding. You have to do it anyway, and mean it. However you have to work your brain around it, figure it out and DO IT.
Step One:
Look at yourself in the mirror. This should be your morning ritual, so make sure you do this every morning until it's a habit. Mark your calendar for 26 days if you have to. Look at yourself in the mirror, smile, and say "You're Awesome!"
Step Two:
Every person you meet, look them in the eyes and smile. Don't offer anything suggestive, don't come off as seductive or interested. This might be more difficult for men since it's assumed they always have an ulterior motive. If you have to, practice your smile in the mirror so it doesn't look leering. While you're practicing, throw in a few "Sweet," "Sexy," or "Awesome!"s so you remember that you are great.
Step Three:
Even if you don't work there or aren't part of the team or whatever it is wherever you are, if someone looks lost or like they need help, ask them if you can help them. They may assume you're an employee (or whatever), but that doesn't matter. If you know where the Macadamias are, you can help them. If you don't know, you can be the more pro-active person and get an employee's attention to ask them. Some people are extremely shy and don't know how to ask for help. They aren't idiots, and even if they are, they deserve help too.
If you happen to be an employee, you should be doing all of this anyway. If you aren't, you DEFINITELY need to follow this five-step re-program.
Step Four:
Stop what you're doing periodically, whether it be as you're walking or driving or bicycling. Don't get in peoples' ways or cause accidents, mind you, but just pause your mindlessness for a moment and look around you. It's not always obvious (some people are shy or idiots, remember), but some people are trying to get over, get around you, or need help and are being ignored. It could be a car on the side of the road, or a woman who dropped her bag of groceries. It might be a chain that fell off a bike. Safely get over, allow people to get over, etc. Do what you have to do to help those people. Have you ever seen those sorts of things before? Did you even know some people don't yell and scream or throw fits if something happens? Did you realize that most people aren't going to ask for help? It's very very true, but when they are helped, they are the most grateful people you'll ever meet. Remember: Just because they can do things themselves, they'll feel better if someone helps them. It'll get done faster, too, which makes everyones' day just that much brighter. So what if you don't like packing popcorn? Who does? Even helping capture one piece of that nefarious foam can add five minutes to someone's day.
Step Five:
Write about your day, every day. Every little detail you've noticed, from the way you've helped people to the way people have reacted to your actions. Even if you think you haven't done a thing, if you go back in your mind's eye and follow your day, you'll notice the woman behind the counter at your favorite coffee shop smiles when she sees you. She doesn't stare blankly at you anymore. What an improvement! It might be something even more subtle, like a discount you didn't notice getting at the grocery store or restaurant. Sure, you gave them a bigger tip, but they reciprocated with a discount.
Life is about give and take. When we give or take too much, it becomes unbalanced. While unbalance is a great way to learn and grow, living in it for any length of time causes stresses that shorten our time on Earth. Enjoying the gift of life you've been given is the best way to show your Personal Deity how much you treasure everything. Exuding love of life, kindness, happiness or even contentedness makes those around you experience some of what you are. Sharing like that brightens everybody's' day and makes it that much easier to carry the burdens we haven't figured out how to share.
Do it for yourself first. Be a little selfish. I don't mean be narcissistic; that's no way to live at all. By showing the people in your life how to be a good, kind person and love yourself, they'll find their own peace and share it with others. Through small acts on your part, as selfless or selfish as they start out, you can make your life and our world a better place. Just think of it as recycling cans or cardboard boxes.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
The Lazy Writer gets no Flavored Macadamias
So last night I went to pick up a prescription at our local 24-hour pharmacy. By "Local" I mean the one a few miles from our home. The hubby asked me to bring dinner home, so I picked that up before remembering I needed to go to the pharmacy.
Siiiigh! There's an option on their site to have prescriptions shipped. While navigating through the back-streets to get to the out-of-the-way store, I decided to set that up. What a hassle, driving out of my way every three weeks like this!
When I got there, I grabbed some milk (Deia drank the last of it last night) and headed to the pharmacy area to pick up the prescription I'd put in a few days before. Apparently it wasn't ready yet...ugh! So I wandered the store, checking out the baby stuff and food (mmm....food). Recalling my current macadamia cravings, I wandered over to the nuts area and found something VERY interesting! Mauna Loa Maui Onion Macadamias!! I've never seen them in any flavor but "Macadamias." After a quick glance at the nutrition facts, they were in hand ready for acquisition. As I wandered back toward the pharmacy area, looking over the vitamins and pain killers, I decided Flavored Macadamias were perfectly reasonable to go out of my way to get every three weeks. Nomnomnom!
I guess the point is, even if things seem like a hassle, you can always find something to make it awesome instead! :D Sometimes it just takes wandering around a little before you discover it, but it's right there waiting for you to be all "OMG AWESOME" and go visit every so often.
:D
Siiiigh! There's an option on their site to have prescriptions shipped. While navigating through the back-streets to get to the out-of-the-way store, I decided to set that up. What a hassle, driving out of my way every three weeks like this!
When I got there, I grabbed some milk (Deia drank the last of it last night) and headed to the pharmacy area to pick up the prescription I'd put in a few days before. Apparently it wasn't ready yet...ugh! So I wandered the store, checking out the baby stuff and food (mmm....food). Recalling my current macadamia cravings, I wandered over to the nuts area and found something VERY interesting! Mauna Loa Maui Onion Macadamias!! I've never seen them in any flavor but "Macadamias." After a quick glance at the nutrition facts, they were in hand ready for acquisition. As I wandered back toward the pharmacy area, looking over the vitamins and pain killers, I decided Flavored Macadamias were perfectly reasonable to go out of my way to get every three weeks. Nomnomnom!
I guess the point is, even if things seem like a hassle, you can always find something to make it awesome instead! :D Sometimes it just takes wandering around a little before you discover it, but it's right there waiting for you to be all "OMG AWESOME" and go visit every so often.
:D
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Food: My Love/Hate Relationship
My least-favorite question on a personal questionnaire is "Favorite Food." Seriously, do people have a FAVORITE? I've got a much shorter list of "Lease Favorite Food," such as Tofu, Bamboo and Water Chestnuts. Oh, Goat cheese is now also a least favorite food, as well as any cheese in the bleu family.
I "converted" mentally to a lower-carb lifestyle several years ago. Recently I've discovered a (probable/possible) gluten intolerance. I'll be the first to admit giving up potatoes is the hardest part of being LC (low carb). You can take away all those other ones, like breads and pastas, but potatoes are the one that makes me sob uncontrollably. Beans are delicious, but not as hard to give up as potatoes. Great -- now I want a baked potato covered in salt and pepper ;.; Thanks, blog!
While reducing my carb intake is actually the ONLY diet I can remember I'm on (and thus successfully lose weight), it never occurred to me to look for gluten in the carb-free foods I've always consumed. It would be assumed that gluten, as a carb-y food, would not be in low-carb foods. Assumption gets me in trouble every damn time, I swear! Anyway, so filtering the gluten out of my diet is proving to be the hardest part! Giving up potatoes was difficult, but since it doesn't have gluten, I don't have to cower in terror if it's near my protein. Well good! I love my potatoes! You know, perhaps I'm not gluten intolerant. Perhaps I'm just anti-gluten!
My husband always tells people "don't listen to her, she's not interested in it for the health benefits" whenever I'd go on-and-on-and-on-and-on (I won't get started here or you'll use this blog instead of Ambien) about how great low-carb is. My whole family on my mother's side has always had susceptibility to what we've all deemed "hypoglycemia." Normally Hypoglycemia is a side-effect of insulin usage for diabetics. None of us is diabetic and we all have salt-tooths more than sweet-tooths anyway. No doctor has ever confirmed any form of hypoglycemia in any of us. In fact, during the summer months when we're enjoying 100+ degree (Fahrenheit) weather, despite plenty of fluids I have a tendency toward passing out/graying out/falling over. I've been dragged to the hospital on numerous occasions and it's always been determined that my blood sugar is JUST FINE, normal as can be, no problems! On my Mother's side, low blood pressure does run in the family, so I'm fairly certain our "Hypoglycemia" is really just low blood pressure. I was having an Allergy panel done one day and hadn't eaten yet (I like to savor my food, and pending needle stabbings do not allow for savoring). There was a teeny bit of blood exiting my body, but it was enough to set me into a grey-out. They dragged me to a bed, lay me down, then stuck a blood-pressure monitor on me. The lady almost freaked out at my numbers (which were between 45 and 50) before saying "well wait, what's your normal range?" Thankfully dropping so little made it "better" (I wasn't dead), but she was still pretty freaked out. I did not get to savor that breakfast :(
While blood pressure is definitely one of the factors in the family's "hypoglycemia," it may also be exasperated by a gluten intolerance. There's a panel you can do to determine if you have genetic markers for gluten intolerance, so I'm in the process of getting that handled (it's a very awkward question to ask, for sure!). I did start reading a book called "Wheat Belly," which seems to be a compilation encyclopedia of all-the-things-gluten-does-to-you. It covers a lot of territory and offers recipes and meal-planning as well. It really opened my eyes to all the issues surrounding gluten intolerance/celiac/etc. I've always felt healthier and less "dizzy" while on low-carb, which I'd attributed to the family's hypoglycemia. I stress the less, since it still happened from time to time, just not as often. After determining I'm nowhere near hypoglycemic from a medical standpoint, I had to re-align my thinking. I'm so glad I got "Wheat Belly"! Cross your fingers for me that I can get rid of my wheat belly xD
I "converted" mentally to a lower-carb lifestyle several years ago. Recently I've discovered a (probable/possible) gluten intolerance. I'll be the first to admit giving up potatoes is the hardest part of being LC (low carb). You can take away all those other ones, like breads and pastas, but potatoes are the one that makes me sob uncontrollably. Beans are delicious, but not as hard to give up as potatoes. Great -- now I want a baked potato covered in salt and pepper ;.; Thanks, blog!
While reducing my carb intake is actually the ONLY diet I can remember I'm on (and thus successfully lose weight), it never occurred to me to look for gluten in the carb-free foods I've always consumed. It would be assumed that gluten, as a carb-y food, would not be in low-carb foods. Assumption gets me in trouble every damn time, I swear! Anyway, so filtering the gluten out of my diet is proving to be the hardest part! Giving up potatoes was difficult, but since it doesn't have gluten, I don't have to cower in terror if it's near my protein. Well good! I love my potatoes! You know, perhaps I'm not gluten intolerant. Perhaps I'm just anti-gluten!
My husband always tells people "don't listen to her, she's not interested in it for the health benefits" whenever I'd go on-and-on-and-on-and-on (I won't get started here or you'll use this blog instead of Ambien) about how great low-carb is. My whole family on my mother's side has always had susceptibility to what we've all deemed "hypoglycemia." Normally Hypoglycemia is a side-effect of insulin usage for diabetics. None of us is diabetic and we all have salt-tooths more than sweet-tooths anyway. No doctor has ever confirmed any form of hypoglycemia in any of us. In fact, during the summer months when we're enjoying 100+ degree (Fahrenheit) weather, despite plenty of fluids I have a tendency toward passing out/graying out/falling over. I've been dragged to the hospital on numerous occasions and it's always been determined that my blood sugar is JUST FINE, normal as can be, no problems! On my Mother's side, low blood pressure does run in the family, so I'm fairly certain our "Hypoglycemia" is really just low blood pressure. I was having an Allergy panel done one day and hadn't eaten yet (I like to savor my food, and pending needle stabbings do not allow for savoring). There was a teeny bit of blood exiting my body, but it was enough to set me into a grey-out. They dragged me to a bed, lay me down, then stuck a blood-pressure monitor on me. The lady almost freaked out at my numbers (which were between 45 and 50) before saying "well wait, what's your normal range?" Thankfully dropping so little made it "better" (I wasn't dead), but she was still pretty freaked out. I did not get to savor that breakfast :(
While blood pressure is definitely one of the factors in the family's "hypoglycemia," it may also be exasperated by a gluten intolerance. There's a panel you can do to determine if you have genetic markers for gluten intolerance, so I'm in the process of getting that handled (it's a very awkward question to ask, for sure!). I did start reading a book called "Wheat Belly," which seems to be a compilation encyclopedia of all-the-things-gluten-does-to-you. It covers a lot of territory and offers recipes and meal-planning as well. It really opened my eyes to all the issues surrounding gluten intolerance/celiac/etc. I've always felt healthier and less "dizzy" while on low-carb, which I'd attributed to the family's hypoglycemia. I stress the less, since it still happened from time to time, just not as often. After determining I'm nowhere near hypoglycemic from a medical standpoint, I had to re-align my thinking. I'm so glad I got "Wheat Belly"! Cross your fingers for me that I can get rid of my wheat belly xD
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Three Day Weekends
While the regular two-day weekend allows for extra tickling-time for the kiddos, three-day weekends don't seem to last as long. I've noticed this phenomenon occurs more often the more children you have.
Surprisingly enough, today felt like a real Saturday! Normal Saturdays are spent "doing stuff" like shopping, wandering around malls, and tickling children (usually our own children). From time to time there's a birthday party, sometimes even two on the same weekend.
Part of me is still coming to grips with the fact that, this Monday, I will get to stay home and not work WITHOUT a migraine! *shakes fist at head* I mean that! No migraines! My plans thus far are to sleep, eat, soak in the tub with a book or game (smartphones are awesome like that), tickle Deia, play this AWESOME NEW GAME that just came out called Guild Wars 2, and maybe convince the hubby to get cheesecake. Mmmm....cheesecake. They have super nomnom cheesecake at Nation's, along with eggs and bacon and sausage...mostly low-carb, right? :D
Since I'm feeling relaxed and enjoying my weekend thus far (My Little Pony and Phineas and Ferb reruns always make me giggle), it was actually very easy to login on my blog to post a snippet. Thanks to all the people who made it possible for us to celebrate holidays with days off! :)
Surprisingly enough, today felt like a real Saturday! Normal Saturdays are spent "doing stuff" like shopping, wandering around malls, and tickling children (usually our own children). From time to time there's a birthday party, sometimes even two on the same weekend.
Part of me is still coming to grips with the fact that, this Monday, I will get to stay home and not work WITHOUT a migraine! *shakes fist at head* I mean that! No migraines! My plans thus far are to sleep, eat, soak in the tub with a book or game (smartphones are awesome like that), tickle Deia, play this AWESOME NEW GAME that just came out called Guild Wars 2, and maybe convince the hubby to get cheesecake. Mmmm....cheesecake. They have super nomnom cheesecake at Nation's, along with eggs and bacon and sausage...mostly low-carb, right? :D
Since I'm feeling relaxed and enjoying my weekend thus far (My Little Pony and Phineas and Ferb reruns always make me giggle), it was actually very easy to login on my blog to post a snippet. Thanks to all the people who made it possible for us to celebrate holidays with days off! :)
Friday, August 31, 2012
Tomato, Tomahto; Fate, Karma
You can go down the list of cursed blame and find Lady Luck, Fate, Karma and a random God all together. All "religions" seem to be joint when it comes to pin-pointing reasons for failure, problems or whatever.
When everything is going fantastically, we all tend to feel similarly, as in "it's about time." If we even notice. Society as a whole has gotten to a point where it feels it's seen it all, done it all, bought the book and watched the movie. For some reason, this jaded mentality has corroded our ability to congratulate someone earnestly when they've accomplished something. We revel in the negative statements and bitchy epithets allowed by the enormous "eLife" offered by the Internet. In bringing these large groups of people together from all over the World we're in a place that really allows us to learn and grow from each other. Instead of grabbing that opportunity, we're wasting our precious lives groaning and moaning about things we probably could care less about. Social Media has allowed the inner gremlins to come out and shake angry fists at anthills, ignoring the beautiful luscious forests filling the mountain tops in the distance. I honestly am upset when someone is having a hard time or needs the comfort of friends. Reaching out is never something to be taken lightly. It's hard enough for a person to admit they even need help in the first place.
My question to you isn't whether you really are stuck or in a bad frame of mind. It's about what you're going to do to fix it. For myself, I've found just having an outlet is sufficient to get something to stop bugging me. A few good friends don't mind the litany, and provide just enough of their own experiences so I don't feel alone. Once we're done figuring out my shit and their shit, we move on. From those points, we talk about everything from delicious Chocolate Chip Pancakes at iHop, or how to make the lowest carb cheesecake, and my personal favorite: what books we're reading. (OK the cheesecake is also a favorite. Mmmm...I still think there should be a Cheesecake Frappucino, Freda, and I'm NOT pregnant :P)
Yesterday I blogged about Introspection. Looking inward, finding things out about yourself that you probably don't want to know and will most likely never remember (unless you have a nifty blog). While I don't recommend living your life constantly watching yourself like that, it's a valuable tool for those times when nothing else seems to be working for you. Your cat won't use the litter box and all the advice they gave you at PetSmart just doesn't work on your cat. You have a weird cat. For all you know, your cat is a Drogo. Looking inwardly, finding it within yourself to admit that perhaps you should stop leaving your poprocks in her litterbox, you'll discover you had the answer all along.
Life is never that simple, of course. We're complex creatures with enormous capacity for everything we set our minds to. Blaming things we claim are out of our control allows us to get away with being half of what we want to be. Maybe it's laziness; I'm sure lazy! I'd rather eat cheesecake than figure out why I keep plucking my eyebrows when the stupid eyebrows just keep growing back. Hell, I'd rather eat cheesecake than pluck my eyebrows. Mmmm....cheesecake....
So since we're such complex creatures, we've all got our coping mechanisms, internal stream of conscious, SUBconscious, etc. I've got a very personal relationship with Karma. Karma and I go way way back. I think we met when I got put on timeout after biting someone back in Preschool, although it could've been when I kept throwing that toy to make Mom pick it up for me again and she finally just stuck me in my crib for naptime (I HATE NAPTIME! WAAH WAAAH SN...nnn..oooooore). Whenever it was she seems to remember my transgressions better than I do. I'll be walking along, innocent as can be, and WHACK! I hit my knee on a f)*(&)(*)ng arm chair. ARM CHAIR. That was to make up for accidentally elbowing that guy on my way back from lunch, but oooow!! That hurt!
Some people believe you will receive 3x the harm back to you that you've done to others. Honestly, that seems a bit harsh, especially if you aren't intentionally hurting someone. Going out of your way to do someone harm would definitely warrant that sort of reciprocation, but for accidental elbow-jabbing? I think tit-for-tat is fair in that case. Strangely enough, Karma agrees. Wait WHAT?? Karma AGREES? Preposterous!
In fact, it isn't preposterous at all. It's something I fully believe, and as a result, my internal deity agrees. When you believe something completely, you subconsciously set yourself up for what you believe you deserve. Because of this, we tend to have something in the back of our minds that we've named that will mete out those small justices. Mine is Karma, of course. Some people have Lady Luck or Fate, some people feel they should blame God. Perhaps blame is too strong a word, though. What I mean is they are responsible for ensuring the behavior we've been raised with. As someone raised in a very strict Christian environment, I've always believed we get what we deserve, so we should do unto others as we have had done..oh wait no, that's the other one. We should do unto others as we would have them do to us. It's a very simple statement that covers a lot of territory. If you send out positive signals to the universe (think happy thoughts), happy things will come to you. In essence, if you walk around smiling, people won't treat you like dirt. What is your reaction to someone you see who is smiling, whistling, singing, or exhibiting signs of happiness? Mine's usually a giggle or grin. When I'm really down and out it might get a sad smile, but it'd still improve my mood! Because we're all linked through language, body or verbal, we as individuals can change the world with a simple smile. When you're not feeling so happy though, try not to smile -- it looks more like a grimace. The best advice for those who're not-so-happy is to go "Introspective" on yourself and have a chat with your internal deity. You'll find the rest of your day is a little different. I was a lot more self-aware, but also much more aware of things going on around me. It was extremely daunting to understand more about the reasons behind things (sort-of like how I imagine a person who's just gotten out of Psych 101 for the day might feel). I had trouble assimilating, so to speak. I did find myself being far more understanding and reacting with a more positive bent though, which did a ton to rack up the good Karma points. Since the experience was such an "eye opener" for me, I wanted to share it with all of you.
Don't worry! I'm not always such a pretendullectual drag ;) On a less-intense note, my son absolutely loves tomatoes. His favorite form is actual real live tomatoes. He'll eat a hamburger, no ketchup, tomatoes only. We aren't sure if he's a changeling or not though, since he isn't all that fond of cheese. In my family, dislike of cheese gets you kicked out. Thankfully my son does like "Pizza Cheese," so as long as it has been shipped on Pizza before, he'll eat it.
Wonder what tomorrow's blog should be about? Maybe this fun new game I've been playing...
When everything is going fantastically, we all tend to feel similarly, as in "it's about time." If we even notice. Society as a whole has gotten to a point where it feels it's seen it all, done it all, bought the book and watched the movie. For some reason, this jaded mentality has corroded our ability to congratulate someone earnestly when they've accomplished something. We revel in the negative statements and bitchy epithets allowed by the enormous "eLife" offered by the Internet. In bringing these large groups of people together from all over the World we're in a place that really allows us to learn and grow from each other. Instead of grabbing that opportunity, we're wasting our precious lives groaning and moaning about things we probably could care less about. Social Media has allowed the inner gremlins to come out and shake angry fists at anthills, ignoring the beautiful luscious forests filling the mountain tops in the distance. I honestly am upset when someone is having a hard time or needs the comfort of friends. Reaching out is never something to be taken lightly. It's hard enough for a person to admit they even need help in the first place.
My question to you isn't whether you really are stuck or in a bad frame of mind. It's about what you're going to do to fix it. For myself, I've found just having an outlet is sufficient to get something to stop bugging me. A few good friends don't mind the litany, and provide just enough of their own experiences so I don't feel alone. Once we're done figuring out my shit and their shit, we move on. From those points, we talk about everything from delicious Chocolate Chip Pancakes at iHop, or how to make the lowest carb cheesecake, and my personal favorite: what books we're reading. (OK the cheesecake is also a favorite. Mmmm...I still think there should be a Cheesecake Frappucino, Freda, and I'm NOT pregnant :P)
Yesterday I blogged about Introspection. Looking inward, finding things out about yourself that you probably don't want to know and will most likely never remember (unless you have a nifty blog). While I don't recommend living your life constantly watching yourself like that, it's a valuable tool for those times when nothing else seems to be working for you. Your cat won't use the litter box and all the advice they gave you at PetSmart just doesn't work on your cat. You have a weird cat. For all you know, your cat is a Drogo. Looking inwardly, finding it within yourself to admit that perhaps you should stop leaving your poprocks in her litterbox, you'll discover you had the answer all along.
Life is never that simple, of course. We're complex creatures with enormous capacity for everything we set our minds to. Blaming things we claim are out of our control allows us to get away with being half of what we want to be. Maybe it's laziness; I'm sure lazy! I'd rather eat cheesecake than figure out why I keep plucking my eyebrows when the stupid eyebrows just keep growing back. Hell, I'd rather eat cheesecake than pluck my eyebrows. Mmmm....cheesecake....
So since we're such complex creatures, we've all got our coping mechanisms, internal stream of conscious, SUBconscious, etc. I've got a very personal relationship with Karma. Karma and I go way way back. I think we met when I got put on timeout after biting someone back in Preschool, although it could've been when I kept throwing that toy to make Mom pick it up for me again and she finally just stuck me in my crib for naptime (I HATE NAPTIME! WAAH WAAAH SN...nnn..oooooore). Whenever it was she seems to remember my transgressions better than I do. I'll be walking along, innocent as can be, and WHACK! I hit my knee on a f)*(&)(*)ng arm chair. ARM CHAIR. That was to make up for accidentally elbowing that guy on my way back from lunch, but oooow!! That hurt!
Some people believe you will receive 3x the harm back to you that you've done to others. Honestly, that seems a bit harsh, especially if you aren't intentionally hurting someone. Going out of your way to do someone harm would definitely warrant that sort of reciprocation, but for accidental elbow-jabbing? I think tit-for-tat is fair in that case. Strangely enough, Karma agrees. Wait WHAT?? Karma AGREES? Preposterous!
In fact, it isn't preposterous at all. It's something I fully believe, and as a result, my internal deity agrees. When you believe something completely, you subconsciously set yourself up for what you believe you deserve. Because of this, we tend to have something in the back of our minds that we've named that will mete out those small justices. Mine is Karma, of course. Some people have Lady Luck or Fate, some people feel they should blame God. Perhaps blame is too strong a word, though. What I mean is they are responsible for ensuring the behavior we've been raised with. As someone raised in a very strict Christian environment, I've always believed we get what we deserve, so we should do unto others as we have had done..oh wait no, that's the other one. We should do unto others as we would have them do to us. It's a very simple statement that covers a lot of territory. If you send out positive signals to the universe (think happy thoughts), happy things will come to you. In essence, if you walk around smiling, people won't treat you like dirt. What is your reaction to someone you see who is smiling, whistling, singing, or exhibiting signs of happiness? Mine's usually a giggle or grin. When I'm really down and out it might get a sad smile, but it'd still improve my mood! Because we're all linked through language, body or verbal, we as individuals can change the world with a simple smile. When you're not feeling so happy though, try not to smile -- it looks more like a grimace. The best advice for those who're not-so-happy is to go "Introspective" on yourself and have a chat with your internal deity. You'll find the rest of your day is a little different. I was a lot more self-aware, but also much more aware of things going on around me. It was extremely daunting to understand more about the reasons behind things (sort-of like how I imagine a person who's just gotten out of Psych 101 for the day might feel). I had trouble assimilating, so to speak. I did find myself being far more understanding and reacting with a more positive bent though, which did a ton to rack up the good Karma points. Since the experience was such an "eye opener" for me, I wanted to share it with all of you.
Don't worry! I'm not always such a pretendullectual drag ;) On a less-intense note, my son absolutely loves tomatoes. His favorite form is actual real live tomatoes. He'll eat a hamburger, no ketchup, tomatoes only. We aren't sure if he's a changeling or not though, since he isn't all that fond of cheese. In my family, dislike of cheese gets you kicked out. Thankfully my son does like "Pizza Cheese," so as long as it has been shipped on Pizza before, he'll eat it.
Wonder what tomorrow's blog should be about? Maybe this fun new game I've been playing...
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Introspection
My fantastic new 26-days-of-blogging goal seems to have gotten off to a rather rocky start. Tuesday afternoon I got hit with a wonderful new invention, the epithet-epithet Migraine. If you haven't tried one yet, you're really missing out. This particular one lasted through the middle of Wednesday, when I started to feel marginally ogre-like. By this morning I'd finally magically transformed back into a human (yes! I'm a human!).
For some reason migraines always seem like battles to me, which probably doesn't help them disappear quickly. By the time they're finally over there's this euphoric, exhaustive relief that surrounds my psyche and leaves me introspective. As someone who is normally gregarious like nerve endings near a deep gushing wound, going inward like that is extremely weird. Weird?!? I'm sorry, I can't think of any other word that explains it so well. I feel weird.
One of the aspects of my SELF that I've always kept private is my belief in things outside what is seen, heard, tasted, etc. How can you not believe in something outside your scope of senses? There are all manner of things going on "under the hood" for everyone. I've always been able to play-back a tune in my head as thought it were playing live right in front of me. I've got life "snapshots" from various points in my life imprinted on my mind that are interpreted differently depending on how old I am. Who is to say that guy over there can't hear me thinking about how my hair never stays flat? What makes you think your Uncle Damien isn't actually standing next to you telling you he loves you too?
As a writer, I know it is imperative that I understand what is real and what isn't or I'll get roped into the universes of my imagination. Being a reader has similar pitfalls, however the writer of those worlds is often so different from you, you'll never be able to "agree" enough on things to get confused. While I don't believe every aspect of my "worlds," I do still feel there's more in the world I DO live in than I'll ever understand or be able to wrap my mind around. If you think about it INTROSPECTIVELY you'll see the typical human reaction to something not quite understood is more complex than their outward expressions. If a dog walked up to you and transformed into a human (hopefully not naked!), what would you do? I myself would freak out, run away, and have myself locked up. I'm not that loony. Someone else may decide "oh, it was a trick of the light" or "That human sure looks like a doggy" or may even completely deny someone was there at all. Because of our own hangups, beliefs, expectations and patterns we'll usually react in similar manners to similar situations. If I'm always freaking out when doggies turn into men, I'll probably always freak out when I see ghosts or zombies. If you decide you're just on the set of a movie, that may be how you always react to the strange things in life.
If enough people say something, it magically becomes true. Magic is everywhere and nowhere, but we don't believe because it's that annoying flare of light reflecting in the chrome license plate frame of the car ahead of you. It's there, but if you turn your head it ISN'T there, so just keep your head turned and it'll never be there.
Science was once considered Magic. Thanks to the Periodic Table of Elements, we were able to categorize and explore within boundaries things that before had caused people to be drowned, slaughtered or burned alive. If you combine this element with that, the other thing happens. Killing someone who discovered or repeated this did not make that combination go away. Not doing it made it not happen, so if you don't do that then it doesn't exist and you can ignore it.
Thanks to the advances in science, we have found a technological fountain of youth. What before was myth has now become scientific. We have medicine to cure almost anything from headaches to those unknown maladies that often left loved ones (and hated ones) dead. Hell, we're so in love with taking a pill for everything, we take them to keep showing our spouses we love them, take them to keep from having babies we hadn't planned for, and to keep our nutrients up even though we don't eat veggies. How many other things exist in our world that could be considered magic in another time or place? We already have moving pictures and singing boxes. We talk to people using hand extensions we press to our faces. We wiggle our fingers over plastic letters and make things appear in the light. We transport our food in magic containers that keep it cold, store food in bigger containers that never get warm, and put food in dinging machines that make it warm very quickly. Don't get me started on those moving boxes with wheels: those are very obviously caused by evil witches who should be locked away forever.
I'm not saying we'll be hanging out with ghosts anytime soon, but there has got to be more in this world than we've discovered so far. Those magical scientists are finding new types of life every day, from the Chilean Jungle to the frozen slopes of Antarctica. How can we be so jaded a culture when we're surrounded by the most advanced magic the world has ever seen? How can we believe we've seen it all when we can see even more now, better than we have ever seen before? Life is exploration, learning, growing and discovering. We'll never be done with any of it because there will always be more we don't know. Let us all be like children and learn as though we had never learned anything before.
For some reason migraines always seem like battles to me, which probably doesn't help them disappear quickly. By the time they're finally over there's this euphoric, exhaustive relief that surrounds my psyche and leaves me introspective. As someone who is normally gregarious like nerve endings near a deep gushing wound, going inward like that is extremely weird. Weird?!? I'm sorry, I can't think of any other word that explains it so well. I feel weird.
One of the aspects of my SELF that I've always kept private is my belief in things outside what is seen, heard, tasted, etc. How can you not believe in something outside your scope of senses? There are all manner of things going on "under the hood" for everyone. I've always been able to play-back a tune in my head as thought it were playing live right in front of me. I've got life "snapshots" from various points in my life imprinted on my mind that are interpreted differently depending on how old I am. Who is to say that guy over there can't hear me thinking about how my hair never stays flat? What makes you think your Uncle Damien isn't actually standing next to you telling you he loves you too?
As a writer, I know it is imperative that I understand what is real and what isn't or I'll get roped into the universes of my imagination. Being a reader has similar pitfalls, however the writer of those worlds is often so different from you, you'll never be able to "agree" enough on things to get confused. While I don't believe every aspect of my "worlds," I do still feel there's more in the world I DO live in than I'll ever understand or be able to wrap my mind around. If you think about it INTROSPECTIVELY you'll see the typical human reaction to something not quite understood is more complex than their outward expressions. If a dog walked up to you and transformed into a human (hopefully not naked!), what would you do? I myself would freak out, run away, and have myself locked up. I'm not that loony. Someone else may decide "oh, it was a trick of the light" or "That human sure looks like a doggy" or may even completely deny someone was there at all. Because of our own hangups, beliefs, expectations and patterns we'll usually react in similar manners to similar situations. If I'm always freaking out when doggies turn into men, I'll probably always freak out when I see ghosts or zombies. If you decide you're just on the set of a movie, that may be how you always react to the strange things in life.
If enough people say something, it magically becomes true. Magic is everywhere and nowhere, but we don't believe because it's that annoying flare of light reflecting in the chrome license plate frame of the car ahead of you. It's there, but if you turn your head it ISN'T there, so just keep your head turned and it'll never be there.
Science was once considered Magic. Thanks to the Periodic Table of Elements, we were able to categorize and explore within boundaries things that before had caused people to be drowned, slaughtered or burned alive. If you combine this element with that, the other thing happens. Killing someone who discovered or repeated this did not make that combination go away. Not doing it made it not happen, so if you don't do that then it doesn't exist and you can ignore it.
Thanks to the advances in science, we have found a technological fountain of youth. What before was myth has now become scientific. We have medicine to cure almost anything from headaches to those unknown maladies that often left loved ones (and hated ones) dead. Hell, we're so in love with taking a pill for everything, we take them to keep showing our spouses we love them, take them to keep from having babies we hadn't planned for, and to keep our nutrients up even though we don't eat veggies. How many other things exist in our world that could be considered magic in another time or place? We already have moving pictures and singing boxes. We talk to people using hand extensions we press to our faces. We wiggle our fingers over plastic letters and make things appear in the light. We transport our food in magic containers that keep it cold, store food in bigger containers that never get warm, and put food in dinging machines that make it warm very quickly. Don't get me started on those moving boxes with wheels: those are very obviously caused by evil witches who should be locked away forever.
I'm not saying we'll be hanging out with ghosts anytime soon, but there has got to be more in this world than we've discovered so far. Those magical scientists are finding new types of life every day, from the Chilean Jungle to the frozen slopes of Antarctica. How can we be so jaded a culture when we're surrounded by the most advanced magic the world has ever seen? How can we believe we've seen it all when we can see even more now, better than we have ever seen before? Life is exploration, learning, growing and discovering. We'll never be done with any of it because there will always be more we don't know. Let us all be like children and learn as though we had never learned anything before.
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Consistent Blogging
I've never been able to do things consistently for any length of time. I'll get bored, find excuses, or some awesome new game will come out. I remember the first time I discovered other people brushed their teeth multiple times a day. The tenacity! People could do the same thing multiple times a day? I was almost in High School, and discovered inadvertently that people who DIDN'T brush their teeth had atrocious breath. It's almost rude, if you think about it, to talk to someone for who-knows-how-long without even considering how rank you smell every time you open your mouth. I've always been a talker, so it was imperative that I correct any potential oversight on my part. For years I carried gum and mints around, and if any talking started, I'd whip out some gum (and share) or pop a mint. A larger change was brushing my teeth more often. As was mentioned before, repetition gets monotonous! I had recently learned of a "new" technique for memorization: repeat something a minimum of 26 times, and you were sure to remember. Now I didn't think brushing my teeth 26 times in a day would be particularly healthy. Bleeding gums just don't strike me as particularly beneficial. I did, however, set myself a goal of 26 DAYS. Surprisingly it didn't take more than a week to get my tooth-brushing all those times a day habitual. To this day, I don't feel particularly clean if I don't brush my teeth before leaving the house. I still carry around a tin of mints, but gum chewing seems too horse-chewing-ish, so I stay away from it if I can.
A fellow writer set a goal of one blog a week (minimum) and wound up with a few extra blogs on top of that for the past year. I'm shocked if I write two in one month. It isn't really that I rationalize and procrastinate my week away, but more along the lines of really not having anything to blog about. At one point I considered writing short stories instead of regaling people with boring personal tales. My brother-in-law managed to convince me against that, particularly in light of future publishing capability. That is actually one of the reasons I've opted for the more claw-your-way-up Indie Author route. I don't have to answer to a contract from a publishing house, so I can write wherever I want. I think blogs are the acceptable way for writers to get words out without having a contract breathing down their neck. You get this sense of freedom for the length of the blog entry. It doesn't even matter if someone ever reads it, because the writer can go back and re-read something and say "Hey! That's not a bad idea. I can turn that into a chapter!"
I actually forget a lot of what happens day-to-day if I don't note it somewhere. I rely quite heavily on the written word, verifying and double-checking my memories when things don't quite match up. I'm one of those (seriously annoying) people who is lucky to remember what they've just said. It's much easier to hold a conversation with me via text, E-Mail or IM than verbally, mainly because of that memory thing. It's like my brain has to fart out these thoughts, after which it can let them disappear into the ether without bothering to store them. Don't ask me "What?" because I'll say "huh?" and we'll wind up in a never-ending state of confusion. Just pretend I said something deeply profound and necessary, and feel the resonation deep in your soul.
So, setting a 26 day goal of blogging every day isn't a bad idea. I rely heavily on Google Calendar (I LOVE GOOGLE! I don't like the blogger platform though, don't take it personally) so I'm as-I-type-this simultaneously adding it to my calendar (I can't remember much but I do awesome at multi-tasking, go figure). At lunch-time sharp every day for the next 26 days, I will write a blog! I'll set a minimum wordcount of...hey, that's a good idea for a blog! "What is an acceptable minimum wordcount for a blog entry?" Right, I'll go research that and get back to you tomorrow. Sweet!
A fellow writer set a goal of one blog a week (minimum) and wound up with a few extra blogs on top of that for the past year. I'm shocked if I write two in one month. It isn't really that I rationalize and procrastinate my week away, but more along the lines of really not having anything to blog about. At one point I considered writing short stories instead of regaling people with boring personal tales. My brother-in-law managed to convince me against that, particularly in light of future publishing capability. That is actually one of the reasons I've opted for the more claw-your-way-up Indie Author route. I don't have to answer to a contract from a publishing house, so I can write wherever I want. I think blogs are the acceptable way for writers to get words out without having a contract breathing down their neck. You get this sense of freedom for the length of the blog entry. It doesn't even matter if someone ever reads it, because the writer can go back and re-read something and say "Hey! That's not a bad idea. I can turn that into a chapter!"
I actually forget a lot of what happens day-to-day if I don't note it somewhere. I rely quite heavily on the written word, verifying and double-checking my memories when things don't quite match up. I'm one of those (seriously annoying) people who is lucky to remember what they've just said. It's much easier to hold a conversation with me via text, E-Mail or IM than verbally, mainly because of that memory thing. It's like my brain has to fart out these thoughts, after which it can let them disappear into the ether without bothering to store them. Don't ask me "What?" because I'll say "huh?" and we'll wind up in a never-ending state of confusion. Just pretend I said something deeply profound and necessary, and feel the resonation deep in your soul.
So, setting a 26 day goal of blogging every day isn't a bad idea. I rely heavily on Google Calendar (I LOVE GOOGLE! I don't like the blogger platform though, don't take it personally) so I'm as-I-type-this simultaneously adding it to my calendar (I can't remember much but I do awesome at multi-tasking, go figure). At lunch-time sharp every day for the next 26 days, I will write a blog! I'll set a minimum wordcount of...hey, that's a good idea for a blog! "What is an acceptable minimum wordcount for a blog entry?" Right, I'll go research that and get back to you tomorrow. Sweet!
Monday, August 27, 2012
Smashwords and Birthdays
My two Kindle books are now also on Smashwords! The first two books I've uploaded are Free: "A Joyful Journey" and "The Fantastical Tales of Ben Phelan: Story One." You can view my Smashwords page here. They're micro stories, which is why I intentionally made them free. They are also slightly different from the Kindle versions (updated story, different "book extras" like "Upcoming Books," etc), which will be corrected in time. The stories themselves are intrinsically the same but some suggestions from my readers were implemented.
The Smashwords "Meatgrinder," one of the most beloved and hated aspects of Smashwords, was successfully satisfied with my .doc! Woot! Thank you work for that $10 copy of MS Office xD Oh, and MS for the HUP. In any case, I followed the "Style Guide" to the T and the Meatgrinder said "om nom nom you should make more properly formatted word documents for me to consume!" I'll definitely do that, you gorgeous software machine, count on it! Since the Meatgrinder digested them so easily, they're already approved for Premium services and will be dispatched to all the normal places as a free eBook within the next few weeks. Exciting!
Meryl's story is progressing nicely and I hope to have her story finished by the end of September. That original hump appears to be part of a past era, with all of the characters (except the two main ones) ready and willing to share their love lives and personal failures. By October, I'll need some people to market the book with and provide their input on how many times characters smile and sigh, or whatever mine do the most. Mine seem to talk a lot. Sounds like someone else I know *Cough* Jaiden *Cough*.
In other news (like life), my baby brother just turned 13! I know what you're thinking!! You're thinking "Wow, so young! How can you already have two children?" Well just FYI, our older sister has two children too. Our baby brother is almost two decades younger than us :P Perhaps something like that should make it into a novel...hmm! He's already an uncle four times over with the youngest my almost-one-year-old daughter Deia. The oldest is that Jaiden kid who just started first grade (and whose teacher informed my husband "Jaiden talks a LOT, I mean a LOT." Yep, that's our kid! His baby sister Deia talks just as much, especially to her food. Perhaps in time we'll find out what she's telling those M&Ms and that bacon, but we like to surmise it's things like "I'm going to EAT you and then DIGEST you and then fill up my diaper with you!!"
Happy Back To School, folks! Try not to school too hard. The last few months of the year are always relegated to enjoying life as much as possible before you have to spend the beginning of next year following your New Year's resolutions! Cheesecake, anyone? Mmmmmm.
The Smashwords "Meatgrinder," one of the most beloved and hated aspects of Smashwords, was successfully satisfied with my .doc! Woot! Thank you work for that $10 copy of MS Office xD Oh, and MS for the HUP. In any case, I followed the "Style Guide" to the T and the Meatgrinder said "om nom nom you should make more properly formatted word documents for me to consume!" I'll definitely do that, you gorgeous software machine, count on it! Since the Meatgrinder digested them so easily, they're already approved for Premium services and will be dispatched to all the normal places as a free eBook within the next few weeks. Exciting!
Meryl's story is progressing nicely and I hope to have her story finished by the end of September. That original hump appears to be part of a past era, with all of the characters (except the two main ones) ready and willing to share their love lives and personal failures. By October, I'll need some people to market the book with and provide their input on how many times characters smile and sigh, or whatever mine do the most. Mine seem to talk a lot. Sounds like someone else I know *Cough* Jaiden *Cough*.
In other news (like life), my baby brother just turned 13! I know what you're thinking!! You're thinking "Wow, so young! How can you already have two children?" Well just FYI, our older sister has two children too. Our baby brother is almost two decades younger than us :P Perhaps something like that should make it into a novel...hmm! He's already an uncle four times over with the youngest my almost-one-year-old daughter Deia. The oldest is that Jaiden kid who just started first grade (and whose teacher informed my husband "Jaiden talks a LOT, I mean a LOT." Yep, that's our kid! His baby sister Deia talks just as much, especially to her food. Perhaps in time we'll find out what she's telling those M&Ms and that bacon, but we like to surmise it's things like "I'm going to EAT you and then DIGEST you and then fill up my diaper with you!!"
Happy Back To School, folks! Try not to school too hard. The last few months of the year are always relegated to enjoying life as much as possible before you have to spend the beginning of next year following your New Year's resolutions! Cheesecake, anyone? Mmmmmm.
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
NaNoWriMo, Life, Nephew's Book
First things first! My nephew wrote a book a few years ago and it's finally all published! It was actually published a while ago, but I haven't updated since it went on sale, so I'm mentioning it now. You can get it on createspace here: Daddy is Tired - Createspace, or on Amazon here: Daddy is Tired - Amazon. The story was written by my Brother-in-Law's son, it's published by Plasma Spyglass Press, and the art is done by http://artkitty.net (me!). All proceeds go to a very smart almost-7-year-old (his birthday is in a few weeks) for his education. We keep requesting sequels, so maybe there'll be another one soon! :)
Now, as you should all know, November is NaNoWriMo month. The goal of the project is to write an entire book in a month. Not necessarily an OMG PERFECT BOOK, just a draft, but a COMPLETED draft. It's ~50,000 words written over the course of the entire month (no cheating by writing it in October!), ultimately turning into a polished edited version (in the proceeding months). For many folks it's their first finished work, done in a supportive group setting, and gets them to think in a more authorly manner. Just FYI - authors make up words like "authorly" all the time. I'm actually half serious in that statement: how do you think the dictionary got so big?
Now, RE: Life; my daughter is almost a year old! Time sure has flown from those late months of pregnancy to a year-old grouchy baby girl (she's pouting at me as I type because she really wants to help me type). She's almost 11 months old and already taking a few tentative steps between the table and Daddy's knee.
My elbow has been absolutely fantastic since the surgery. It required a few months of patience and stretches to get it to the same flexibility it was at four years ago. My left arm still bends further back (that arm actually bends back further than the "normal" straight), but my right arm's as straight as arms normally get. I still have some trouble when I bend it, but it loosens up pretty quickly.
I've been using http://yarny.me to write while preparing for NaNoWriMo to begin. So far I'm enjoying the site very much. It's got the same features as yWriter, but all web-based, so if you don't have Internet you can't write. They are working on an Android version, which I'll probably get a Premium account to use so I can write on my phone.
As far as Meryl's story, I'm at 18k words. Still around 8k words on Sara's story. In the meantime I'm pondering storylines that will fit a 50k word limit (hah, like 10k words is easy...yea right!).
Is anybody else going to participate in NaNoWriMo? What genres are you considering?
Now, as you should all know, November is NaNoWriMo month. The goal of the project is to write an entire book in a month. Not necessarily an OMG PERFECT BOOK, just a draft, but a COMPLETED draft. It's ~50,000 words written over the course of the entire month (no cheating by writing it in October!), ultimately turning into a polished edited version (in the proceeding months). For many folks it's their first finished work, done in a supportive group setting, and gets them to think in a more authorly manner. Just FYI - authors make up words like "authorly" all the time. I'm actually half serious in that statement: how do you think the dictionary got so big?
Now, RE: Life; my daughter is almost a year old! Time sure has flown from those late months of pregnancy to a year-old grouchy baby girl (she's pouting at me as I type because she really wants to help me type). She's almost 11 months old and already taking a few tentative steps between the table and Daddy's knee.
My elbow has been absolutely fantastic since the surgery. It required a few months of patience and stretches to get it to the same flexibility it was at four years ago. My left arm still bends further back (that arm actually bends back further than the "normal" straight), but my right arm's as straight as arms normally get. I still have some trouble when I bend it, but it loosens up pretty quickly.
I've been using http://yarny.me to write while preparing for NaNoWriMo to begin. So far I'm enjoying the site very much. It's got the same features as yWriter, but all web-based, so if you don't have Internet you can't write. They are working on an Android version, which I'll probably get a Premium account to use so I can write on my phone.
As far as Meryl's story, I'm at 18k words. Still around 8k words on Sara's story. In the meantime I'm pondering storylines that will fit a 50k word limit (hah, like 10k words is easy...yea right!).
Is anybody else going to participate in NaNoWriMo? What genres are you considering?
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Character Interviews
I've read that doing character interviews can help you flesh out your characters, and get better acquainted with them. Using Google Forms, I setup a list of questions. Here's the list I came up with:
What is your character's name?
Describe your eyes
Describe your hair
What are some distinguishing characteristics?
Describe your body
What is your biggest fear?
What makes you happiest?
How do you react when someone is mean?
How do you react when someone is nice?
If someone needed help, would you help them?
You see someone harming an animal. What do you do?
What would you do with extra money?
Who are your mortal enemies?
Who are your best friends?
When you are all alone, what do you think about?
Describe your home.
What kind of car do you drive?
Where do you go shopping?
Describe your workout, swimming, formal, casual and regular clothes.
What do you do for a living?
Do you have any pets? If so, how did you meet?
Who is/was your greatest influence and why?
What were your parents like?
Where did you grow up?
Do you have siblings? If so, describe your relationship with them.
Describe your first love/relationship.
Have you ever done something you regreted? What was it?
What were your favorite activities as a child?
What are your embarrassing childhood memories?
What were you like in school?
Did you have any accidents or incidents in your childhood? Describe.
If you could tell your child self one thing, what would it be?
What are your goals?
How do you see your life in 10 years? 20 years? 30 years?
How long do you think you will live, and how do you think you will die?
Do you want children? How many?
What would you do if your life 180'd?
Your crush asks you out. What do you do?
Your boss gives you an impossible task. How do you handle it?
A friend or relative needs your help. What do you do?
An acquaintance asks you to do something. Do you?
Your life is suddenly spiraling downward. Do you ask anyone for help? Who?
Your life is looking up. Who do you celebrate with? How?
Favorite color
Favorite food
Favorite drink
Favorite friend/relative
Favorite hobby
Favorite hangout
Favorite activity
Favorite outfit
Favorite communication method
Favorite transportation
These are rated on a scale of 1-5, where 1 = Opposite and 5 = Always.
What role do you play in your relationships? [Faithful/Loyal]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Gentle]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Attentive]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Take-charge]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Affable]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Gentle/Motherly]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Funny]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Amiable]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Logical]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Encouraging]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Sarcastic]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Narcissistic]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Mischievous]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Malicious]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Bored]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Brave]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Calm]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Naive]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Giving]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Impolite]
So far the questions have really helped me get a good understanding of my characters. I've interviewed Meryl Bennett from "The Undragoning of Meryl Bennett" and Sara from "Sara Flynn, At Your Service." Since the answers give hints to the plot-line, they aren't going to be published. Maybe a basic-stat type Q/A can be posted once they're parsed, though.
Do any of you use Character Interviews?
What is your character's name?
Describe your eyes
Describe your hair
What are some distinguishing characteristics?
Describe your body
What is your biggest fear?
What makes you happiest?
How do you react when someone is mean?
How do you react when someone is nice?
If someone needed help, would you help them?
You see someone harming an animal. What do you do?
What would you do with extra money?
Who are your mortal enemies?
Who are your best friends?
When you are all alone, what do you think about?
Describe your home.
What kind of car do you drive?
Where do you go shopping?
Describe your workout, swimming, formal, casual and regular clothes.
What do you do for a living?
Do you have any pets? If so, how did you meet?
Who is/was your greatest influence and why?
What were your parents like?
Where did you grow up?
Do you have siblings? If so, describe your relationship with them.
Describe your first love/relationship.
Have you ever done something you regreted? What was it?
What were your favorite activities as a child?
What are your embarrassing childhood memories?
What were you like in school?
Did you have any accidents or incidents in your childhood? Describe.
If you could tell your child self one thing, what would it be?
What are your goals?
How do you see your life in 10 years? 20 years? 30 years?
How long do you think you will live, and how do you think you will die?
Do you want children? How many?
What would you do if your life 180'd?
Your crush asks you out. What do you do?
Your boss gives you an impossible task. How do you handle it?
A friend or relative needs your help. What do you do?
An acquaintance asks you to do something. Do you?
Your life is suddenly spiraling downward. Do you ask anyone for help? Who?
Your life is looking up. Who do you celebrate with? How?
Favorite color
Favorite food
Favorite drink
Favorite friend/relative
Favorite hobby
Favorite hangout
Favorite activity
Favorite outfit
Favorite communication method
Favorite transportation
These are rated on a scale of 1-5, where 1 = Opposite and 5 = Always.
What role do you play in your relationships? [Faithful/Loyal]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Gentle]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Attentive]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Take-charge]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Affable]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Gentle/Motherly]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Funny]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Amiable]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Logical]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Encouraging]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Sarcastic]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Narcissistic]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Mischievous]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Malicious]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Bored]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Brave]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Calm]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Naive]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Giving]
What role do you play in your relationships? [Impolite]
So far the questions have really helped me get a good understanding of my characters. I've interviewed Meryl Bennett from "The Undragoning of Meryl Bennett" and Sara from "Sara Flynn, At Your Service." Since the answers give hints to the plot-line, they aren't going to be published. Maybe a basic-stat type Q/A can be posted once they're parsed, though.
Do any of you use Character Interviews?
Monday, May 7, 2012
Reminiscing
One thing I've learned from all of this: scan in those things your kids bring home! You don't have to keep them in a box collecting dust; they can be stored on your computer. Just don't forget to back up!!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Writers and Editors
One of my favorite sayings is "Every great author has a great editor." This is true for so many of my personal favorites. If you've ever added an author on a social network, you may notice their grammar and spelling are rarely on par with the quality of their books. My brother in law has one of the best imaginations I've seen (almost as good as Katie MacAlister's) and has some of the worst grammar I've ever encountered. I truly believe that we would not have such a wonderful bounty of books if it weren't for those out there who can see a spelling or punctuation error a mile away. We should have an Editor Day to thank these people, particularly since they are only on best seller lists by proxy (or if they also happen to be writers).
Thank you, dear Editors!
Thank you, dear Editors!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
5 Mistakes A New Author Can Make: Indie vs Traditional Publishing
Indie Publishing vs Traditional Publishing
This blog is co-authored by Jean Hopkins and Richard Flores IV. About Richard.
Indie Publishing (eBook):
- Submitting your eBook before researching your options
- Not promoting your eBook sufficiently when you have a "Free" or "Discount" time-period.
- Adding your eBook to the wrong category
- Not being ePrepared for your eBook
- Expecting too much of your first eBook
1. One of the first mistakes I ever made when publishing my first two (finished) short stories on KDP was electing to use "KDP Select" without reading the fine print, or researching more on how to make eBooks "free" on Kindle. We've all seen the free/cheap Kindle books that are available, which led to my belief that there must be some option for Authors to set their books to $0.00 (or whatever your currency is) on the back-end. In fact, there is! The option is limited to 5 days every 90 days, however, which is significantly less time than I've seen many publications set at "free." There are other options for setting a book free, which I'll go over shortly. The main point here is not that KDP Select is horrible, which it isn't at all, but that it may not be for everyone. KDP Select is incredibly useful for Authors who are establishing a name on the market. The relatively short contract length (although probably the standard in Traditional Publishing) is definitely a bonus, since 90 day spans can help get your name out there long enough that you can start submitting elsewhere. Kindle has the largest market share of eBooks (or so I've been told) with an enormous number of readers. This doesn't mean no other eBook store is worth submitting to, but it does mean it's your quickest entry into the market if you use don't mess up like I did. Just so we're clear here, submitting using KDP Select first is a good idea, but once you have established enough readers, you should also submit to other stores. Many Kindle readers have friends who prefer Sony, Nook, Kobo, etc. Those friends won't be able to get your eBook unless they have an Android or iOS device, or some other Kindle-supported device. Some of them specifically stayed away from Kindle. You don't want to alienate potential readers.
I want to note here that KDP Select is an option for your Kindle books. You can sell your eBooks through Kindle and not elect for KDP Select. It is a tool used to allow you to get more visibility on their site, however it does lock you in to a 90 day contract. You have three days from your initial "signature" to opt out of it, however if you use any of the 5 "free" days offered through the program, you will be locked in. You can use the 5 days individually or all at once. From my own research and the opinions of others, using 1-2 days at a time gets the most visibility, with a month between sales.
If you want to offer your eBook for free and do NOT want to use KDP Select, you CAN. You just need to submit your eBook elsewhere, which you can do if you aren't tied to the 90 day contract on KDP Select, set your eBook free there, then use the "Report Lower Price" option on your eBook's Amazon page. Amazon is good about switching it back to its "regular" price if you change it back from $0.00 on the other sites. If you want to offer free books on multiple platforms, this would be the way to do it. KDP Select only lets you offer free eBooks 5 days every 90 days, which doesn't work if you want the book to be free all the time.
Here's a list of other places to submit your eBooks:
- Smashwords - Smashwords is the first place I would go after establishing clients on Kindle. It submits automatically for you to several places, and if you format your eBook using their (somewhat strict) guidelines, they'll even provide an ISBN for you. This enables you to submit to eBook resellers that require an ISBN, like iTunes. Smashwords is completely free, but does take a % of your sales.
- B&N Pubit! - Smashwords will also submit to B&N, but many authors prefer handling this account separately. Smashwords lets you pick-and-choose your vendors, so it's definitely an option. Some authors prefer having one vendor handle all of their distribution. I'm lazy enough that I'd go the only-Smashwords way.
- Indie Publishing - there are a lot of Independent Publishers out there. Many cater to specific genres (Erotica, Horror, Sci-Fi, etc) and some are very picky about who they publish. In this sense, they can be like Traditional Publishing.
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2. There are many sites out there that provide their readers with lists of Free or Inexpensive eBooks. Letting them know in advance is a good idea, since they do have other Indie Authors alerting them of their sales. Since eBooks are Digital, many readers are active on the Internet. It is very important to go to your potential readers and "hang out." I don't mean running up to them all and saying "GO TO MY BLOG!", I mean getting to know them and being a PERSON. Don't be sneaky and two-faced about it either. If you don't understand or like someone, they probably aren't the sort of reader who would want to read your work.
Consider advertising your Blog/Website well in advance. Facebook, Google, and Kindle Nation Daily all offer advertising options that are budget-friendly. You can set your maximum spending limit for Facebook and Google, and KND allows you to pick a "Package." Set up your ads in advance to go live a day before your eBook goes free/on sale, then set your budget for those days. KND suggests choosing the day of the promotion so that readers don't get confused, since they publish your "ad" the day of the free promotion (if you choose the $29.99 package).
Websites to submit your Free Kindle eBook days to:
- Pixel of Ink - submit at least two weeks in advance
- Kindle Nation Daily - unless you pay for highlighting, they will only post if the eBook is one they feel stands out from the crowd
- The Digital Inkspot - E-Mail the owner directly (there's an E-Mail address on the page). They are very nice and SUPER awesome! <3
There may be more, but these ones seem to be at the top of the stack so to speak. Ty Johnston has a huge list of even more resources for Indie Authors, and has written 100 blogs for 100 sites.
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3. Number three on my list wasn't a HUGE issue for me, however it definitely will hinder sales if you tell people your eBook is about hearts and rainbows, but your cover has a bloody corpse on it. There is a list a mile long for categories on KDP, but they only allow you to choose two. For both of my first eBooks, I selected "Short Stories" first. If you are submitting a Short Story it is VERY important that you make sure your reader knows. I'd even go so far as to say you should put your Wordcount in the description so that readers know what they're buying. If you're concerned that putting a Wordcount in your description will discourage too many readers, remember the number of Kindle users out there. This does not mean the number of people with Kindles -- I don't own one, however I have the app on my Android, iTouch, two computers and a Blackberry. There is also a Cloud Reader that allows you to read on a browser. The number of people who read Short Stories is significant. In addition to providing Short Story readers an easy way to decide whether to get your eBook, it also keeps you from getting negative reviews from people who feel upset that they were not told the eBook's length. Win/Win!
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4. If you don't have a website already and you plan on being an Author, Self Published or Traditional, you need to go get one right now. Namecheap.com is a very inexpensive place to get a domain (if you are so inclined), which you can host Wordpress on. If you'd rather have someone else do the hosting for you, you can use authorblog.me (I'm http://jeanhopkins.authorblog.me actually. They use Wordpress), Wordpress.com, Blogger or Livejournal. If you do decide to use a hosted service (all of which are free, but have added features for $$, except for authorblog.me), you have the added benefit of the socialization aspect that is so necessary for getting your name out there. Livejournal has had years to acquire their users, while Wordpress and Blogger are often the preferred hosts for many authors. They all have their own communities that help you have an Internet Presence. Authorblog.me is actually still too new to have a user base, but they do have a nifty URL! You can also sync up your authorblog.me account to Wordpress.com (using the Jetpack addon) so you get the benefits of Wordpress.com's community, AND a nifty URL. Right now they're invite-only, but the host is currently accepting invitation requests. Kindleboards is one of the LARGEST forums for Kindle readers. Many other eBook readers go there as well, however their first and foremost purpose is for Kindle eBooks. They have some strict policies that are very important to follow, however they have a large number of readers and everyone is very nice and welcoming. I'd suggest setting your eBooks up there well in advance (it's pretty easy to do, they have many guides on how to do it and on how to get started as an Author using Kindleboards). Since you can only "bump" your eBook threads once every seven days unless someone comments on it, I'd suggest setting everything up at least 8 days in advance. That way, if you do make your eBook free, you can comment on your eBook thread. Submitting your own eBooks to the Book Bazaar's "Free Book Finds" thread is a HUGE no-no (only self-promote in your book's thread, once every seven days), however at least posting that your eBook is free on its thread will let others know. Just FYI -- you can make a thread in "The Book Bazaar" for each of your eBooks. This lets others discuss the eBook. It's a very large forum.
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5. Last and most CERTAINLY not least, do not expect too much of your first eBooks. Consider this your "Learning Period." A lot of people luck out majorly their first time through the grind, whereas others find their experience falls short. This is due to the type of work you are submitting: the book cover, the size, the price, the description and the genre. Erotica is a very popular genre, particularly in Short Story format. Maybe not everyone is interested in reading a short Mystery, but many people might be interested in Sci-Fi Flash Fiction. If the cover looks like something their cat couldn't digest, or perhaps doesn't even HAVE a cover, it might deter people who would otherwise find the description interesting. Most notably those with a GOOD description attract more readers. A description doesn't have to be the whole book (if you wrote Flash Fiction); it can touch on the story, provide some insight into the author, and display a bit of the style the author writes in. All of those aspects help a reader decide if they want to buy an eBook. If your eBook has a lot of words but is underpriced, readers may assume it's junk. You're the next Laurell Hamilton, so don't go charging next to nothing for all of your hard work! I'm not going to tell you how much your words are worth; you should try adjusting your prices until you get a good mix of buyers and profit. Each author will have their own experiences with this. As a baseline, the minimum you should go (other than Free) is .99 cents. If you want to stand out from the .99 cent crowd, try $1.99 or $2.99. Even if you don't have 1,000 buyers at $2.99, your profit will be higher, which may make your bottom line higher.
Traditional Publishing: By Richard Flores IV
- Not researching the Market
- Not reading the submission guidelines
- Not tracking their submissions
- Limiting yourself to one type of publication
- Giving up too early
I think you have to first decide how you want to publish. There are many mistakes you can make when you choose to go with traditional publishing. Since this is called "5 Mistakes" and not "You can really mess this up" I will give you what I think are the top 5.
1. Not researching the Market: If you plan to submit a Space Western, you might want to make sure the market publishes Space Westerns. I don't just mean that they say they will accept them, do they actually publish them? Read the market, see what other authors are published there. Since typically you can expect 30 days to six months of waiting for a response, don't tie up your time with a market that likely doesn't like your genre.
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2. Not reading the submission guidelines: Standard Manuscript format (seen here), is what I write all my stories in. 12 point courier font, 1" margins all around. It is pretty standard. But, the format a magazine wants it in is not always standard. Some may want a different font, or only certain file types, or no name listed in the header and footer. Some may want a cover letter, others may want your previous publishing credits. The point is, you have to read every single line on the submission guidelines for the publication you want to submit to. You worked hard on that story, don't let it get tossed out because you can't follow directions.
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3. Not Tracking their submissions: There are a few ways to track submissions, but you really need to use Duotrope. It is free (though I recommend you donate something), and it gives you more information then you can imagine. Average response times, acceptance percentages, pay rate classifications, and so much more. I've found publications I didn't even know of on Duotrope (I'll get to that soon). But, the main feature on this is the submission tracker. With many places not wanting simultaneous submissions (meaning you have the story out with other publications at the same time), you need to know where your story is. Even if they allow your story to be submitted to others, you will want to let the others know if it is picked up.
With how long it can take some places to respond, it can be very easy to forget where your story is at and where you have already sent it. Don't embarrass yourself be sending the same story to an editor twice.
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4. Limiting yourself to one type of publication: Don't be foolish here. Don't limit yourself to one publication type. Don't say you will only take "pro rates" or "Print magazines". You are limiting yourself. I talk about this in my post "Quality Versus Quantity" when I talk about aiming for certain pay scales, but you also need to accept where the dart hits. So don't limit your story to a certain type publication just because your dream is to be seen on Daily Science Fiction. That is a great dream, but your story deserves an audience. There is a just as loyal an audience at any publication. Aim for your dream market, but don't stop when you miss the target. The more you write the better you will get and the closer you will get to a bulls-eye.
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5. Giving up too early: Duotrope has over 4,000 markets listed. Hard as it is to believe they don't list every market either. The truth is, while I can't guarantee results, chances are there is a home for your story somewhere out there. It may take some time to find it, or you may find it right away. But stopping short of publication is foolish. I refuse to see any of my short stories die, even if I have to try all 4,000 markets. For me it is not about pay, it is about telling my story to an audience. If I stop there, I fail my story, my characters, and worst of all my audience. Trust me, if you don't tell your story someone else will.
There is a cycle to getting published, I talk about it in "Getting Published". It is easy to give up with rejection. But, it is part of the process. You will have to learn to accept that your story doesn't fit every market. But, you also need to accept that your story DOES fit at least one market. Don't let yourself believe otherwise. After every rejection, you must submit to the next market. Don't even wait a day. Just send it on out to the next one.
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Richard Flores IV is an author of Speculative Fiction who lives in Vacaville, California. He fits his writing time around being a father of three young boys and a husband to his beautiful wife. He has been published in Cygnus Journal of Speculative Fiction and Liquid Imagination. He also runs a blog where he talks about publishing, writing, and whatever else interests him. For more information on Richard Flores IV, you can find him online at http://floresfactor.wordpress.com/. You can also find him on Twitter @Richard_Flores4
Monday, April 23, 2012
Tendons, Tendons, Teeeendons
I bet you guys are all totally wondering about my elbow. I had the surgery, then left you wondering if my arm had subsequently fallen off during my follow-up. You were all probably picturing the look of abject terror on my face as I watched it plummet toward the doctor's feet.
Oh well, too bad for you guys! It's totally still an elbow! They took out ONE stitch (that took up two inches of my arm, how does that work?!?), which hurt for a few seconds, and I almost passed out. Hah! See, my arm was nowhere near the doctor's feet. If I'd had breakfast, the poor doctor would've had pancakes all over her feet though.
It's still a bit early to be determining the surgery a Grade A success. Right now I'm sticking with Grade B. It'll (apparently) still be a few more weeks before I can bend and unbend my elbow sufficiently to, say, eat with my right hand. It's amazing though; every evening I go to bed with a sore elbow, and every morning my elbow bends and unbends further than the day before. The ibuprofen was making my stomach crazy so I had to stop taking it, but this pain is NOTHING compared to how bad it was before the surgery. How sad is that? I really need to learn that pain = something bad is going on. At the present moment I'm able to grip a pen sufficiently to sign stuff. Trying to write or draw for any length of time makes my arm and fingers ache, though, which I take to mean is me stressing my newly re-attached tendons. Those suckers are seriously resilient, though.
My hypoglycemia has been acting up lately thanks to the new changes the Weather Channel has been making. They made it high 70s here for a few days, which always exasperates my asthma and hypoglycemia. Bad combination to have; you should stay away from it. Thankfully the easiest way to maintain the hypo part is to stick to a 30g or less a day low-carb diet. For the asthma, lots and lots of water and an inhaler if necessary. Those stupid albuterol shakes make me use it as a VERY last resort, preferably before I start freaking out, since the freakouts make it even worse. In any case! In the words of the aunt who helped raise me, if you're ever in a situation where this is relevant, "cheese is wetter than crackers." You probably can't stop an asthma attack with cheese, but quoting my aunt may help you laugh, forcing air into your lungs to try to circumvent the attack. Hey, it worked for her!
I've got an upcoming article in the works. In fact, my half is finished(ish)! Just waiting for my collaborator to have time (having a big family and his own projects AND a job doesn't make it easy to find time) before going back over my parts to see if I can sneak in some "like he said's."
Now that I've finished my pre-bedtime ramble, I'll go head off for bed. Meryl's story is nearing completion, just to keep you guys updated. It's into the Novellette length now. It probably won't get much larger. So much for another short story, huh? :P
Later gators :D
Oh well, too bad for you guys! It's totally still an elbow! They took out ONE stitch (that took up two inches of my arm, how does that work?!?), which hurt for a few seconds, and I almost passed out. Hah! See, my arm was nowhere near the doctor's feet. If I'd had breakfast, the poor doctor would've had pancakes all over her feet though.
It's still a bit early to be determining the surgery a Grade A success. Right now I'm sticking with Grade B. It'll (apparently) still be a few more weeks before I can bend and unbend my elbow sufficiently to, say, eat with my right hand. It's amazing though; every evening I go to bed with a sore elbow, and every morning my elbow bends and unbends further than the day before. The ibuprofen was making my stomach crazy so I had to stop taking it, but this pain is NOTHING compared to how bad it was before the surgery. How sad is that? I really need to learn that pain = something bad is going on. At the present moment I'm able to grip a pen sufficiently to sign stuff. Trying to write or draw for any length of time makes my arm and fingers ache, though, which I take to mean is me stressing my newly re-attached tendons. Those suckers are seriously resilient, though.
My hypoglycemia has been acting up lately thanks to the new changes the Weather Channel has been making. They made it high 70s here for a few days, which always exasperates my asthma and hypoglycemia. Bad combination to have; you should stay away from it. Thankfully the easiest way to maintain the hypo part is to stick to a 30g or less a day low-carb diet. For the asthma, lots and lots of water and an inhaler if necessary. Those stupid albuterol shakes make me use it as a VERY last resort, preferably before I start freaking out, since the freakouts make it even worse. In any case! In the words of the aunt who helped raise me, if you're ever in a situation where this is relevant, "cheese is wetter than crackers." You probably can't stop an asthma attack with cheese, but quoting my aunt may help you laugh, forcing air into your lungs to try to circumvent the attack. Hey, it worked for her!
I've got an upcoming article in the works. In fact, my half is finished(ish)! Just waiting for my collaborator to have time (having a big family and his own projects AND a job doesn't make it easy to find time) before going back over my parts to see if I can sneak in some "like he said's."
Now that I've finished my pre-bedtime ramble, I'll go head off for bed. Meryl's story is nearing completion, just to keep you guys updated. It's into the Novellette length now. It probably won't get much larger. So much for another short story, huh? :P
Later gators :D
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
The ever important Word Count
According to fictionfactor.com, my two short stories fall between the "Flash Fiction" and "Short Story" categories. I've long wondered how to tell the difference between all the names bandied about on forums everywhere. Thanks to Google, I've got a much better idea, though fictionfactor seems to be talking mainly about print books. I'd imagine the same rules apply for eBooks as well, and they seem reasonable, so I'll use them.
Based on their chart, my (unfinished) stories currently fall in these categories:
Now I just need to conjure another short story for the Ben Phelan series. To do that, I have to figure out whether it'll be a campfire-type series, or a rundown on the Phelans. Perhaps my next one can be a campfire how-it-all-began. I can see that falling into the Short Story guidelines quite easily. Anybody have any thoughts? Perhaps Richard or Jsean13 (or someone else!) would interested in writing campfire stories from the perspective of the other unnamed kids? We could do a compilation of shorts and give the proceeds to a charity or something. Horror for Charities!
In other news, this stupid thing on my arm is finally coming off tomorrow, along with the stitches. I plan on scrubbing the arm really well with a hot shower before exposing the world to it. It probably looks and smells disgusting, even after only two weeks. Yiiiick!
Based on their chart, my (unfinished) stories currently fall in these categories:
- Witch World: Start of the End - Novellette (will probably end up being a Novella)
- Sara Flynn, At Your Service - Novellette (will be a Novel, probably not an Epic...but who knows!)
- The Undragoning of Meryl Bennett - Short Story (Will probably stay one, or be a very short Novellette)
- 2030: AI - Well....this one has 0 words. Micro-Fiction! Hah...still not sure if this will be a Novel or not. It is definitely as wiggly as jumping beans in my head.
Now I just need to conjure another short story for the Ben Phelan series. To do that, I have to figure out whether it'll be a campfire-type series, or a rundown on the Phelans. Perhaps my next one can be a campfire how-it-all-began. I can see that falling into the Short Story guidelines quite easily. Anybody have any thoughts? Perhaps Richard or Jsean13 (or someone else!) would interested in writing campfire stories from the perspective of the other unnamed kids? We could do a compilation of shorts and give the proceeds to a charity or something. Horror for Charities!
In other news, this stupid thing on my arm is finally coming off tomorrow, along with the stitches. I plan on scrubbing the arm really well with a hot shower before exposing the world to it. It probably looks and smells disgusting, even after only two weeks. Yiiiick!
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